If you spend any time in a gym, you’re likely to observe coaches and trainers spotting their clients in heavy lifts. It’s run of the mill, no big deal. You’d hardly give it a second thought.
It’s less common to see a parent spotting their child in a lift, and even more rare when the parent is a mom and the lifter is her college-age son who towers at least a foot over her.
That was the scene I witnessed the other day as I watched my friend spotting her son in his heavy back squats.
I’m always in awe when I watch this friend squat: she gets super deep even on her heavy squats — and she squats heavy. But as I watched her spot her son, I saw a different side of her strength.
It was the ultimate display of aligned and effective mothering: holding a strong space of support, ensuring her child knew that “I’ve got your back,” while allowing her child to find his own capacity.
Spotting someone in a squat — or any lift — is about holding a space of support in which the person doing the lift can feel safe to find their edge, find their depth, and cultivate their confidence.
Obviously, this is not just about spotting back squats.
Growth Happens in a Place of Safety
We often hear that “growth happens outside your comfort zone,” but this is not entirely accurate. Pushing too quickly outside our comfort zone can create a state of trauma for the nervous system, causing paralysis.
Growth happens by expanding our comfort zone. It’s a process of finding and meeting our edge, sitting with it, and gradually pushing it further.
This process can only be effective when we feel safe to find our edge.
The Attributes of Effective Support
I don’t know much about my friend’s son, but I know that he will be successful in whatever he pursues, and that he will cultivate confidence easily even in new endeavors.
I know this because I watched how his mother spotted him. It was less than 30 seconds but it spoke volumes about the type of mother she is, and the type of support she provides her children.
She stood behind him with focus and intention. Her energy was attuned to his. She moved in sync with him, tracking him to the depth of the squat and back up to standing. After he re-racked the bar, she celebrated him.
I wasn’t close enough to hear them, but I imagine she might have given him some encouragement as he descended to his depth, to let him know he was on track.
She didn’t take the bar from him to squat it herself — even though it was well-within her capacity. She didn’t rescue him — although sometimes that’s necessary when spotting someone.
Instead, she held space for him to find his edge and his depth, and to cultivate greater confidence in his abilities.
That’s the epitome of effective support. It’s something we all need when we attempt our “heavy lifts” — whether in the gym or any other realm of life.
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