Do you find it hard to corral your thoughts? Does celebrating your wins often devolve into focusing on the things you didn’t do well? How often do you get mired in the challenges you’re facing instead of seeing the blessings?
These are all common challenges. Human beings have a negativity bias. We developed this to protect ourselves:
- If we see what’s wrong, we can make efforts to correct it.
- If we see where the problems might arise, we can plan ahead for them.
- If we see the risks, we can mitigate them.
People with ADHD have additional challenges: we often get told early in life that our methods are “wrong,” or that we don’t measure up. When we internalize these messages, they infect our thoughts and emotions as adults.
So even when we accomplish something, there’s often a nagging thought about what we didn’t do. For example, let’s say you cleaned the kitchen, but you didn’t fold the laundry. You might ignore the clean kitchen and ruminate on the laundry that you left for tomorrow.
Let’s be clear: there’s always going to be stuff you didn’t do in a day or on a project. There will always be disappointments, moments of frustration, and things that don’t go as planned. That’s the nature of life.
In 2014, I decided to start a daily practice to reframe my day from “what went wrong” to “what went well” (or at least ok). It’s an end-of-day journaling practice that I call “My Daily Recap.”
What is My Daily Recap?
My Daily Recap is a structured format with 5 parts. Before you cringe at the idea of structure, keep in mind this is intentional. The format keeps me from going off the rails into the negativity bias that I’m trying to overcome. Also, this is a structure that allows for flexibility within it.
This exercise doesn’t require complete sentences (unless you want to write them), and it takes only 10 minutes. It’s been one of my most valuable daily practices, helping me get through some dark times. Over the years, I’ve taught it to clients and friends, and people who stick with it tell me how transformative it is for them.
My Daily Recap also is a great set-up for a weekly review, monthly review, and annual review. It follows my principle that things worth doing are worth doing daily. The intentional daily practice has positive stacking effects.
Here is a breakdown of the 5 sections of My Daily Recap.
5 Parts to My Daily Recap
(1) Magic Moment
A Magic Moment is a moment that sticks out as special. It could be something that made you laugh, a connection with others, a particular conversation, a tight hug from your child or a friend, a moment of achievement or accomplishment.
It can also be something less tangible: a moment of appreciation of nature, a moment of gratitude, a sensation.
A Magic Moment can also be a “glimmer.” A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger. It’s a small moment when our nervous system is regulated and we are in touch with our true selves.
The fun in the Magic Moment is that you get to decide what’s included and what counts. It can be as big as a whole day, or a small as a brief second.
Typically I choose at least one Magic Moment from the day, although sometimes I have several.
As with other parts of this exercise, knowing that I’ll have to record one at the end of the day keeps me on the lookout for moments that will qualify. This means I’m going through my day looking for the Magic Moments.
(2) Gratitude
Every day I list at least 3 things I’m grateful for. You’ve probably read a lot about the power of gratitude. Studies show that writing down what you’re grateful for can help shift your mood.
To be honest, I don’t always find that to be true. Truly taking a moment to feel into your gratitude is what actually shifts your mood. But writing it down is the next best approach. Ideally, you’ll do both.
When I first started this practice, I was random in my gratitude list. Over the years, I’ve settled on a framework:
- 1 person I appreciate
- 1 thing I’m grateful for
- 1 thing about myself that I’m grateful for
As with Magic Moments, you’re always free to add more, or find an approach that works for you.
(3) Wins
This is the part where my high-achiever clients tend to have the most difficulty. Many clients have reported back to me that they could do all the other parts, but had days without wins.
Their problem was that they were thinking too big.
Release yourself from the belief that “wins” only include major accomplishments or achievements. Instead, focus on the little wins.
Maybe you didn’t fold all the laundry, but you folded the towels. That’s your win. Maybe you didn’t cook dinner, but you managed to get takeout to eat at a reasonable time. That’s also a win.
The fun in recording your wins is that you get to reframe your day and look at how what you did is a win.
Got up on time, without hitting snooze? Made your bed? Showed up to workout? All wins.
(4) Area For Improvement
This section is one I call “CANI,” which is a term I learned from Tony Robbins. It stands for Constant and Never-ending Improvement.
This is not the place where I write all the things I didn’t do during the day. Instead, it’s where I think strategically and ask myself a question about something I’d like to improve in the bigger picture.
The point isn’t to answer the question. Rather, I simply ask myself the question and let it percolate in my subconscious until I come up with a solution.
Although the question might be prompted by something I didn’t get done that day, I focus the inquiry more broadly on the pattern underlying the issues that come up.
Here are some examples:
- How can I create more space for connection in my days?
- How can I strengthen my self-love so I’m less sensitive to perceived rejection from others?
- How can I be more receptive to feedback and suggestions from others?
(5) A Lesson
The final section is something I added in the second year of doing My Daily Recap. It’s a lesson or takeaway from my day.
This could be anything:
- An insight from my day as a whole or from something specific that happened.
- Something I learned from an external source, like a class or a book.
- An inner lesson about mindset.
- An outer lesson on something tactical.
The only rule I have about the lesson is that I must frame it in the positive. That means, for example, that the lesson can’t be “don’t do X” or “People aren’t trustworthy.”
Here are some real examples:
- When I am vulnerable and ask for help, I see how supported I am in this world and don’t have to do everything alone.
- Truth is like a bat signal. Those who can resonate with it will hear it.
Over the past decade, I’ve amassed quite a book of wisdom out of these lessons. In fact, I could probably publish a book of them.
Where to Record My Daily Recap
You can use a physical notebook or journal to record My Daily Recap, or do it digitally. I have a template in my Drafts app that I use, and I save it to my DayOne journal. At the end of the year, I create a separate journal of all My Daily Recap entries from the year, so I can review them.
Give it a Try
I encourage you to try this practice for a week and see how you feel with it. Let me know what you notice about your days after doing this for a week!
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...