I have a confession:
There are many days when I consider quitting this blog.
Sometimes I don’t get a chance to write in my prime writing time, and then the emotional labor of writing is harder.
Sometimes I get caught up in a spinning web of too many ideas, and I don’t narrow it down to one.
And, to be honest, sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I go through my day wondering if it will even matter. I become overwhelmed by malaise.
Who will even notice?
Will it even make a difference?
Is anybody even reading this?
Does anyone even care?
It probably won’t even be that good.
There’s no amount of willpower that can get me over this hump. Discipline won’t cut it.
I don’t think anyone would fault me for taking a day off.
But I wouldn’t be happy with myself.
This is the real practice when you do something every day for years: doing it even when you don’t want to.
I know at some point I’ll regain my spark, and when I do, it’s easier to stay in rhythm when I don’t have to relearn my publishing techniques.
I am also pulled by the streak. I don’t want to break a 5-year chain.
The deeper question is what’s underneath the malaise.
Often, under the surface of “don’t want to” is a fear that it won’t be good enough.
That’s the other part of this practice: being ok with publishing substandard work.
It’s not easy for me to publish work I believe is bad. It goes against everything I was taught as I was growing up.
One thing I’ve realized, though, is that you never know.
Who is the judge of what is substandard? Who judges the quality?
Some of the things I write when I really don’t feel like writing end up being the pieces that resonate the most with people.
It’s not my job to judge my work.
My job is just to show up and share.