The Regenerative Power of Authentic Connection

Sometimes when I’m tied I have an initial impulse that doesn’t want to workout. But once I get to the gym and start moving, I instantly feel better. Even when I’m low on sleep and not feeling my best, I know that the right workout gives me energy.

A similar thing happens with people.

After several weeks of having my typical rhythms disrupted by new commitments, I recently had a morning in which a few appointments were cancelled. It was a gift: a much-needed opportunity to savor some alone time for deep work to restore my rhythm.

I was looking forward to the alone-time to dive into some deep work that I hadn’t had bandwidth to tackle.

Then I ran into a friend who I hadn’t seen in several weeks. We both had some flexibility in our schedules and we ended up spending over an hour sitting on the turf and catching up. By the time we got up, my free morning had evaporated and I had to prepare for my next appointment.

Typically I might have felt annoyed at losing my deep work time. Yet rather than feeling resentful, I felt lighter and more energized. It was the first conversation in weeks in which I didn’t have to mask or perform. I was able to be myself, to speak my truth without being judged, challenged, or forced to explain myself. I didn’t have to manage anyone else’s reaction to my presence.

In the safety of my conversation with my friend, I was able to just be.

I left that conversation feeling rejuvenated and restored in a way that no amount of sleep or alone time could ever do for me.

Rest vs Restoration

We tend to think of restoration as:

• sleep
• time off
• doing less
• being alone

And sometimes, those “rest” activities do restore us. But that’s not always what we need.

Sometimes when we think we need to be alone what we actually need is to be in conversation with the right people.

Not all conversations are equal.

Not all conversations are equal. Many interactions we have during our days are surface level, requiring us to manage how much we share or how deep we explore. Others require us to perform, explain, defend, or manage something: other people’s reactions, how we’re perceived, whether we’re making sense, saying the right thing, being too negative or too exuberant, and so on.

Those conversations can be depleting because they require us to manage the conversation while we’re in it. We have to be both participant and observer.

When we don’t have to manage the conversation, we can be present in it. We can unmask, stop performing, and be ourselves.

That’s when a conversation gives us energy instead of draining it.

Just like a good workout can give us energy when we feel depleted, the right conversation with the right person can be regenerative and restorative.