3 Consequences of Constant Striving

The lesson was one I thought I had learned already. Several times.

But progress isn’t linear, and some lessons keep repeating themselves until we finally get it.

A Lesson About Striving

In my CrossFit classes this week, we are re-testing our 1-rep-max lifts. It’s the culmination of a cycle that we started the first week of May, with our initial week of 1RM testing.

That week, I hit new personal milestones (PRs) in the three big lifts: push press, back squats, and deadlifts.

The day we did deadlifts, I had planned to aim for 180 or 185 pounds — slightly higher than my previous PR, which came with my personal coach, in a different dynamic from the chaotic class environment.

I surprised myself by getting 200. It felt big. Huge.

I was ecstatic.

I felt strong and confident, primed to go for a different goal later that day with my personal coach: a deadlift of 225 pounds on the hex bar, which is a different type of deadlift strength.

I wanted it and I felt like I had it in me to achieve it.

When I met with my coach to train later that day, the plan didn’t quite materialize. I didn’t even approach my new goal weight because I failed to match my previous hex deadlift PR.

Losing Joy

Just like that, I lost all the joy I had felt earlier in the day.

It was like that big lift from the morning never even happened.

This happened at the full moon lunar eclipse in Scorpio — a signature that was all about releasing. Instead of releasing, I got attached.

The post-achievement high had lasted about 6 hours.

Suddenly I was depressed and looking for who or what was to blame for my failure.

I had never even fully celebrated my achievement before I ripped it out of my own hands by my relentless pursuit of more.

To borrow a phrase from meditation teacher Jeff Warren, who teaches on the Calm meditation app, I hadn’t “let the good land.”

As a striver, I thrill in the high of achievement. But constantly striving to achieve more has its downside. On that day, I learned a powerful lesson about how my constant striving deprived me of the joy of being in the present moment.

Lessons Revisited

So here we were again. Monday was deadlift day, and we were going for a new 1 rep max. Although I had initially thought of aiming small and shooting for 205, my coach said I should go for 210 or even 215.

I had my plan: I knew exactly what I would load on the bar for each attempt, down to the exact weights of the plates on each side of the barbell.

I powered through my warm-up sets and the first few 1-rep attempts.

175 – Check.

185 – Check.

195 – Check.

Then I jumped to 205. It was a big jump — last time I had gone up only 5 pounds to 200.

With peers and the coach cheering me on, I got 205.

It was a new PR.

There were cheers and high-fives and even a smile.

I felt good. Satisfied. Confident.

And then I went for 210.

Just an extra 2.5 pounds on each side of the barbell. I shouldn’t even feel that weight difference.

I got it off the floor, but couldn’t get it up all the way.

I failed in three attempts.

And just like that, the high of my 205 PR had evaporated.

I was angry and frustrated. For hours.

I joked that it was a new PR for me in the how long my Post-Achievement High lasted.

But beneath the joke was a more serious point:

Once again, I gave my power away to the numbers.

Once again, I allowed myself to get caught up in my desire for more.

Once again, I failed to let the good land.

And once again, I allowed my striving and desire for more steal my time and energy and take me out of the present moment.

3 Negative Consequences of Constant Striving

We live in a goal-oriented culture that has conditioned us to pursue more: bigger, better, faster.

It’s easy, in this environment, to buy into the belief that “more” — in any context — will make us happier or otherwise help us have a better life.

More money. More followers. More views of our work. Higher numbers on our lifts. Or lower numbers on the scale.

Research conclusively shows the opposite. Once people have sufficiency, adding more rarely boosts happiness or fulfillment.

And the constant striving has negative consequences.

(1) Creates a Lack Mindset

As I’ve learned first hand, the constant striving for more can lead to a persistent feeling of lack or that something is wrong.

When I failed to meet my heightened benchmark, it fueled my belief that something was wrong, that I was doing something wrong, or that the support I am receiving isn’t effective.

“Something isn’t working.”

When will it be enough? What’s the magic number?

Always looking at what I want and don’t have puts me in a lack vibration that becomes a self-reinforcing cycle.

(2) Losing Presence

When we’re looking at the gap between where we are and where we want to be, or when looking back at what went “wrong” that kept us from achieving our goal, then we aren’t in the present moment.

And the present moment is where life happens.

Striving for more literally takes us out of life.

(3) We Don’t Grow

It’s a paradox that in order to make progress, we must first accept where we are.

If I’m constantly striving for a new milestone, then I am implicitly not accepting where I am.

I’m not letting the good land and appreciating what I’ve done.

That appreciation is what sets the foundation for building more.

Once again I learned a powerful lesson. Whether it will stick this time is a separate matter. Progress isn’t linear. And sometimes we have to come around on something multiple times before it sticks.

That, too, will be an opportunity to practice acceptance.