We are officially in the “Holiday Season,” the end of year time filled with parties, family gatherings, celebrations, and the expectations of smiles and good cheers.
Some people love parties and large gatherings. Others struggle with them.
Whether because of trauma, highly-sensitive or highly-attuned nervous systems, ADHD, autism, introversion, or other nervous system issues, the holidays can be a challenge for many people.
As we enter this period, here are 3 things to keep in mind so you can be better attuned to your experience and the experiences that others might be having.
(1) Holidays Can be Lonely
Not everyone finds the holidays full of merry and cheer.
For some people, the holidays bring up memories of loved ones who are no longer here.
The holidays can also bring up feelings of intense loneliness for many people — at a time where we already face an epidemic of loneliness.
Large parties and gatherings can often intensify feelings of loneliness that otherwise may be hiding just beneath the surface.
(2) Family Gatherings Can Trigger Past Trauma
If you feel a natural sense of belonging in your family of origin, that’s wonderful. It also may blind you to the fact that not everyone feels this.
For some people, “family” connotes a dynamic where the weight of expectations is heavy, where every past mistake is held over your head as an indication of your future behavior, where opinions cannot be freely expressed, and where you have to hide who you are. Family gatherings can retrigger childhood traumas.
(3) Social Gatherings Can Be Overstimulating
For people with highly attuned nervous systems (also known as “Highly Sensitive People”) or introverts, large social gatherings can be overwhelming and dysregulating for the nervous system.
If you fall into that camp, it’s important to monitor your nervous system and take breaks when you need to. That may mean stepping outside or escaping to the bathroom to breathe.
This doesn’t just apply to large parties. It also applies at dinner parties.
Personally, I love to be around people, but I find dinners and smaller gatherings challenging for my brain.
When everyone is in the same space having multiple conversations and I can hear all of them at once, my brain gets overstimulated by the cross-conversations and I can’t focus on any of them.
In a large party, the music or the din of conversations provides a background noise that I find more soothing.
Your mileage may vary. On a recent podcast, Tim Ferriss revealed that at gatherings of 8–10 people he will escape often to the bathroom to breathe and regulate his nervous system because too much conversation wears him out.
When people leave the table or step away abruptly from conversation it doesn’t mean something is wrong or they’re angry. It just means that they need a moment of stillness.
What’s Your Experience?
Pay attention not only to those around you, but to your personal experience. Maybe this is the first time you’re even noticing your own experience with the holiday season or with parties and social gatherings.
What are you discovering about yourself?
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...