There’s a persistent myth that it takes 21 days to build a habit.
Having built several long-term “habits,” I can tell you that in my experience, this is not true.
For most activities that most of us want to do consistently — like exercise, yoga, walking a mile every day, or meditation — it’s a minimum of 120 days.
But also: habit is the wrong word for these activities.
Because things like exercise, yoga, walking a mile are intentional activities.
You have to create a strategy about where and when you’re going to do them and how you’re going fit them in to your day.
That’s not habit.
Habits are unconscious automatic responses.
Doom-scrolling while sitting in your car is a habit.
The impulse to pick up your phone every time you’re bored or anxious is a habit.
These habits don’t need 21 days to form. They can become habits in just a few days.
The behaviors you want to do, like practicing yoga, exercise, and eating well, are a conscious choice.
I call them rituals. They are a practice.
In my own practice, I use rituals to break habits.
Part of the challenge we generally have with creating these sustainable healthy practices is that we think there’s going be a point where they become automatic habits.
We think it’s eventually going to be easy.
That expectation sets us up for shame when we encounter challenges, even after months or years of consistent practice.
I have been working out as the first thing in my day for over 12 years.
I write and publish a daily blog post. I have a daily meditation practice and I journal every day.
Even after a decade or more of doing all of these things consistently, none of them are “habits.”
Yes, they are part of my routine. But they are still conscious choices that I have to make.
Especially on the days when my routine gets disrupted, I have to choose to fulfill the commitment I made to myself. I have to find a way to get it done.
This is hard.
And it becomes a lot harder when we expect it to be automatic.
If you’re past the 21 day mark and wondering why it’s still hard, know that you’re not doing anything wrong. Even after years of consistency, daily practices and rituals are still hard.
That’s part of the process.
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