I’m currently in the process of buying a new mattress. The process has been a maze of confusion, obfuscation, and deep Reddit rabbit holes, that have been all-consuming and draining of my executive function and energy.
If you’re going through the particular form hell that is buying a new mattress, you’re not alone.
Even for someone without ADHD, it’s a recipe for overwhelm and decision paralysis.
For an ADHD brain, the confluence of factors creates the perfect storm for an all-consuming executive function meltdown and a debilitating drain of energy resources.
I managed to extract myself from the black hole of confusion and overwhelm to distill the factors that make this process so awful.
(1) It’s An Infrequent Purchase
When you do something frequently, you build systems to give you leverage. The same is true for purchases. For the things you purchase all the time, you quickly build a facility with all the available information about it the product category and develop preferences that don’t change much.
The less frequently you buy something, the less likely you are to remain current with the product category and specifications. You also are less likely to have systems or heuristics to help you limit your options.
(2) Product Information Changes Significantly
Any significant purchase is likely to entail some research to learn about the product category. The first time you buy a diamond, you might spend significant time learning about what makes a quality diamond. The time you invest in research will serve you well for all future diamond purchases, because those criteria don’t change.
Mattresses are the opposite end of the spectrum. In the 23 years since I last purchased a mattress, the entire industry has changed. There are scores of new brands, new materials used in mattresses, new types of mattresses, and even new methods of purchasing mattresses.
(3) It’s a Significant Financial Investment
Mattresses are not cheap. And if they are, they probably aren’t going to support you well.
This is a high-ticket financial investment—which immediately raises the stakes for most people. A mistake here will cost you money, time, and possibly health.
(4) The Stakes Are High For Health and Well-Being
It’s not just that the investment is high; it’s also that the stakes are high.
Sleep is foundational. A poor night’s sleep can create conditions for poor performance, whether because of physical pain, brain fog, or overall insufficient recovery.
Even if you sleep 6 hours a night, which is less than most experts recommend, that still amounts to over 3 months of your year spent in bed. And that doesn’t include the other activities you might use your bed for.
This is a place where you want to invest as much as you can afford to get the necessary comfort and support — but you don’t want to make a mistake in your investment.
(5) You Don’t Always Know Your Ideal Criteria
Ideally when you make a big purchase you walk in with a list of factors that are most important to you. But when it comes to buying a mattress, you might not know what those criteria are.
The last time I bought a mattress was over 20 years ago. The type of mattress I bought then stopped being comfortable long before I sold it 8 years ago.
Since then I’ve slept on dozens of mattresses, but I wasn’t always paying attention to which were comfortable and what made them so. It’s likely not something you pay attention to until you’re actively looking, even though it’s something you use daily.
(6) Lack of Market Transparency
Once you do know what you’re looking for, good luck comparing products. The industry has no set standards for different terms used. For example, one company’s “firm” might be another company’s “medium.”
Even a rating on a scale is subjective. Even within the same company, a manufacturer might label two different mattresses as having the same level of firmness, even if they feel different.
Similarly, there’s no transparency about pricing. Manufacturers list prices on their websites as reflective of “discounts” based on “average comparable mattresses” without disclosing which mattresses they’re comparing against.
A manufacturer might create a special mattress specifically for a brick and mortar store, but not sell it directly through their own website.
Manufacturers also don’t reveal the full specs of the mattress construction, making it difficult to compare mattresses across different brands. Sometimes it’s difficult to get a clear comparison of mattresses even within the same brand.
(7) The Criteria that Matter Are Subjective
A good mattress is all about the right mix of comfort and support. Some mattress manufacturers rate their mattresses for firmness on a scale of 1–10, but their ratings are subjective.
Even if there was a standard objective measurement for what rates a “6” on a firmness scale, that 6 might feel different to different people. What is “firm” for one person might feel like a “medium firm” for another.
This is also a place where the total experience is more than the sum of the parts. Knowing the number of coils or the type of foam or how much foam doesn’t tell you if that mattress will be comfortable for you.
The only way to truly know if the mattress is the right fit for you is to test it.
(8) You Need to Test in Real-World Conditions
This is where decision paralysis really starts to kick in. To know if a mattress is good for you, you need to sleep in it. Extensively. Because mattresses require at least 30 days to “break in,” one night won’t give you the full picture.
Although you can go into a store to lay on different mattresses to get a feel for them, that’s not simulating real-world usage. At best, you can get a feel for different levels of firmness to rule out what you absolutely don’t want.
You’re in a showroom, in the middle of the day, with your clothes on, and no blankets or pillows. Even if you spend an afternoon hanging out on different mattresses, you won’t get a true sense of what it’s like to sleep on it.
(9) Returns Are Hard
Most companies and mattress stores have recognized that consumers need to test a mattress to truly know if it works for them. Many offer “free trials” for periods that range from 3 months to a year, with the promise that you can return the mattress if it doesn’t work for you.
But it’s not so simple.
First, you can’t just bring a mattress back to the store if you don’t like it. You must schedule a time for a team to pick-up the mattress, which requires setting aside time and waiting home.
Second, companies often charge a restocking fee for returns. Even if they allow free returns, these return policies are usually limited to the first mattress. If you do return it, you have to go through the process again, and you lose your chance for another return if you stay with the same company.
The hassle of returning a mattress only to have to go through the process again is a huge deterrent to returning it — which is one reason why companies are so generous with their policies.
(10) You Have to Decide For Yourself
For most major decisions we make in life, there’s at least some measure of objectivity where other people’s opinions can be helpful.
Not so with mattresses.
For every Reddit post detailing a horrible mattress experience, there are often dozens or hundreds of comments from people who had the exact opposite experience and swear by the company and the mattress.
Two people can have vastly different experiences with the same mattress. One person’s “perfect firmness” is too hard for another person and too soft for a third person.
Ultimately, nobody else is in your body, which means nobody else will experience a given mattress the way you will.
This might be one of the few decisions where you can’t outsource the work. Only you can be the arbiter of your own comfort.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...