Early in my business as a residential real estate broker, I was taught that to be a professional I had to be responsive, and in service of that goal I should drop everything when a client calls.
I quickly learned that this was not sustainable.
Without adequate time to care for myself, I depleted quickly. I had a lower frustration tolerance and a shorter fuse. Even worse, I would often feel resentful of my clients, even though I wanted to help them.
No matter how good you think you are at hiding resentment, people can tell. You can’t mask that energy.
If you’re in a service field — such as a doctor, lawyer, teacher, therapist, trainer, coach, or parent — you may believe that to be “good” at your job you must constantly put your clients, students, or children first.
That’s the dominant messaging in our culture, which views self-care as the antithesis of service.
Many women I’ve worked with over the years (and its almost always women who get caught in this vise) have expressed the belief that “self-care is selfish” — and the implicit belief that “selfish” is a “bad” trait.
In fact, it’s the opposite.
Imagine you’re having guests to your home. You want to create a great experience for them — serve them your best food, the finest wine, and create comfortable accommodations for them.
Before your guests come, you would make sure to stock your pantry and fridge with foods they enjoy, and cook a sumptuous dinner.
You wouldn’t want them to come into your house if you had nothing to serve them. In fact, you’d likely feel embarrassed.
Service to clients is no different. Except instead of something tangible to give them, you’re giving them your energy and the benefit of your inner resourcing.
If you want to server effectively you must make sure you’ve stocked your “pantry.”
You must fill yourself before you endeavor to serve others. And the way to fill yourself is self-care: caring for yourself.
Far from being at odds with service, self-care is the pre-requisite for service.
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