A friend shared with me that she recently discovered that she has been going through perimenopause. She hadn’t previously connected various symptoms she was having, and hadn’t realized that “our friend Perri” had entered the chat.
She had spent so much time trying to push through various symptoms and signs, without realizing that they might share a common cause.
As my friend shared her experience, I could hear the anger and frustration lurking under the surface. Because she didn’t want to complain, she immediately shifted herself into a state of gratitude.
But her shift to gratitude overlooked a deeper emotion lurking underneath the anger:
Whenever we go through a change — whether its perimenopause, kids leaving home, divorce, or even a change of season — grief is lurking under the surface, waiting to be addressed.
This is true even when the change is exciting and eagerly anticipated: marriage, having children, a new job, a new home, an exciting opportunity.
Read: 3 Common Misconceptions About Grief That May Surprise You
There is no change without grief.
The very nature of change means that we are losing something, even as we gain something else.
Sometimes the grief is bigger, like when someone close to you dies, or your body no longer functions as it once did. This grief needs more time and space to process.
Sometimes the grief is smaller, like the moments when you transition from one task to another, or pack in your work for the day. This type of grief needs only a mere moment of acknowledgement.
Because grief makes us uncomfortable, we often mask it with more habitual emotional states, like anger and fear.
It’s impossible to successfully navigate change without acknowledging, honoring, and working with your grief.
They exist together, and we must navigate both to move forward.
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