First, Honor the Grief

Here’s the thing about death:

Even when you know it’s coming, you can’t plan for how you’re going to react.

No matter how expected it was, it lands as a shock to your system.

This is true about actual physical deaths of the people we love and metaphorical deaths.

Changes to an accustomed way of life. Death to principles and practices we took for granted. Death to rights we had yesterday and may no longer have today.

The death can hit you even if you did’t lose anything personally.

Today the United States Supreme Court issued its decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization, in which the majority of the court voted to overrule Roe v Wade and Planned Parenthood v Casey, two landmark rulings that confirmed a constitutional right to choose to have an abortion.

This wasn’t exactly unexpected. A draft of the decision had been leaked last month. We knew it was coming.

For some of us nothing has changed. The Court’s decision turns this matter over to the states.

I live in New York, which has declared its commitment to women’s right to choose.

And yet, that is no solace. The highest court of the land has stripped women of an essential right of human dignity; the right to choose their own best course of action when it comes to their bodies.

This troubles me as a woman. It troubles me as a human being.

Because… what right is next on the chopping block?

My mind — highly distractable in the best of moments, let alone on a Friday — started spinning in thoughts, analysis, and planning.

So many thoughts. So many things to say. So many options for what to do.

But those are not for today.

The spinning mind arises because it wants to protect us, and it protects us by preventing us from feeling the uncomfortable emotions.

There will be plenty of time to say the things, to plan the actions, to consider the repercussions and the consequences.

And also, to be sure, we don’t know the impact. Maybe this will be a catalyst for reform on a deeper level. Maybe this will lead to something better.

There will be a time for looking on the positive side, for reframing, for considering how this might be a good thing.

That time is not today.

First, we must allow the grief.

Regardless of your gender or where you live, all Americans have lost something today.

The comfort of assurance of the most basic of protections of agency, liberty, and sovereignty.

The stability of established precedent.

The security of knowing the rules of the game.

To not honor this loss, to fail to hold space for the grief, would be to reinforce the stripping of dignity and humanity that has already occurred.

First, we must honor the grief.