For all the talk on self-care, here’s something that often doesn’t get discussed:
Sometimes, you’re too exhausted to care. Even for yourself. Especially for yourself.
Life brings challenges. High stress periods. Sick parents. Sick kids. Work stress. The pile-up can feel like a heavy load. Especially for women, who are often tasked with the bulk of the work to care for others, the “invisible load” of kin-keeping, we often have little left for ourselves.
You know self-care is important — especially in times of heavy stress. But sometimes, self-care can feel like just another thing on the endless to-do list, more a burden than a blessing.
This hits women with ADHD especially hard, because all the stress can lower our dopamine and zap our motivation that can propel us to do even the bare minimum.
It’s hard to engage in self-care when you just don’t feel motivated to even get out of bed in the morning.
How can you engage in self-care without adding to your overwhelm and overload?
Keep It Simple
The short answer is: keep is small and simple.
The wellness industry promotes an image of self-care that seems like an elaborate endeavor. Candles. Aromatherapy. Smoothies. Juices. Detoxes. Cleanses. Elaborate routines.
No wonder we’re overwhelmed. It’s hard to gear up when you believe it’s going to take so much time.
True self-care requires little equipment and little time. In fact, often, it’s about what you should stop doing rather than adding anything more to your already-full plate.
The first place to start is with your morning routine. How you start your day sets the tone for the rest of your day. You can’t be of service to others if you haven’t filled your own cup first.
5 Simple Self-Care Strategies to Start Your Day
Here are 5 simple strategies for starting your day with self-care.
(1) Eliminate Technology
Give yourself a pocket of time after you wake up that is free of technology. No news, no social media, no email, no texting, no television.
Give yourself at least 15–20 minutes after waking up to be in the silence as you get out of bed and start your morning routine. Create this space as a sacred date with yourself.
The only acceptable use of my phone in the morning is to play a meditation track or music that keeps me in a relaxed mood.
(2) Minimize Conversations
To the extent possible, minimize conversations with other people, obviously over devices and also in person.
Conversations can be draining, especially for women with ADHD. You need to gather and build your inner resources before you drain them in conversations.
You might not be able to avoid all conversations entirely, but keep it to a minimum. If you live with other people, set the expectation and boundary that you don’t engage in conversation first thing in the morning.
(3) See the Light
No, this is not a metaphor.
As soon as possible after waking up, get outside to see the daylight. This will help you acclimate to the day and set your circadian rhythms and the hormone production that goes with it.
Keeping these chemicals stable will help a lot with motivation to do what comes next.
It also helps to wake up at a consistent time each day and get out of bed when you wake up. As tempting as it is to linger in bed, staying in bed just increases your anxiety.
Make it a rule: when you wake up, you get out of bed and make the bed. Just keep moving until you’re out the door.
(4) Move Your Body
A moderate intensity workout can help give you a boost of “dopamine juice” to get yourself going in your day.
But you don’t need to go hard core. Even some basic mobility or stretching, light yoga, or a walk is better than nothing.
(5) Meditate and Reflect
Meditation need not be a long affair. Even a few minutes of silent, conscious breathing can help a lot when your thoughts are all over the place.
Focus on allowing your exhales to be longer than your inhales. For example, inhale for a count of 3 and exhale for a count of 6. This will send your nervous system a signal that it can relax.
If you have some time, taking a few minutes to journal after your meditation can help you get some of the looping thoughts out of your brain and clear out precious bandwidth.
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