The first time I saw the mouse I was laying in bed in the small bedroom of the fifth-floor walk-up. It seemed to have entered the railroad apartment through the front door. It scurried past the open bedroom door to find its friends on the other end of the railroad apartment.
I pretended not to see it. I told myself it was an illusion. For the next three months, every time I saw the mouse I pretended it was just a figment of my imagination, even as my nervous system increasingly held the tension of being on hyper vigilance.
It was the fall of 2018. I had just sold the apartment I called home for the previous 13 years, freed myself of debt, and was ready for a fresh start of travel and adventure as a digital nomad.
My vision was to step back from most of the day-to-day aspects of my real estate business that caused me to constantly run around with clients. Instead, I would focus on growing the coaching and consulting sides of my business and offering online programs. All of which I could do from a beach somewhere.
That was the theory.
But this new life did not look like my original vision.
One day, riding the subway around Manhattan, I heard a voice from deep within:
You said you wanted adventure. This is your adventure.
That voice was correct. Indeed, it was an adventure.
Lesson: Be careful — and specific — in what you wish for.
The Idea vs the Reality
Eventually I left that apartment and New York City. I spent most of 2019 living from beaches in the remote Pacific Coast of Panama and the sunshine of southern California before returning to New York just in time for the pandemic.
By the time lockdown set in, I already had confirmed for myself that I don’t particularly like remote work or the complete and total freedom to create my own schedule.
In fact, I had freedom to create my own schedule even when I had been fully immersed in my real estate business. But my schedule wasn’t fully in my control in real estate. It was in part dependent on other people’s timelines. I never knew when a client would finally be ready. I felt like I was always on call.
The Challenge: When Work From Anywhere Becomes Work From Everywhere
I was seduced by the allure of working remotely, traveling the world, and working “whenever I wanted.”
The reality has been a life of isolation and loneliness, and working almost daily, without much break. I’ve burned out several times.
I realized I thrive with more structure. I am energized by in-person conversations and interactions. I show up at my best when I have people who are counting on me to show up for them at a certain time in a certain place.
In theory, working from the beach sound great. And it’s nice to have that option sometimes.
But in reality, on a daily basis, it meant that the beach was no longer a place to rest and recharge. The beauty of my environment faded into the background as I focused on work.
The big problem with the promise of being able to “work from anywhere” is that it can very easily slip over the line to “working from everywhere, all the time.”
This was a big revelation for a lot of people during the pandemic. “Work from home” translated into working more, not less. Without the boundaries that separated “work” from “home,” people lost the sense of comfort and escape they once found at home.
The Heart of Venus Retrograde: What Do You Really Desire?
We are currently in the middle of a Venus retrograde, a period of time when we are invited to reflect on what we value and what we truly desire.
Venus is approaching a conjunction with the Sun, which will be exact on Sunday, August 13. As Venus and the Sun get closer to this pivotal moment — called a “cazimi” we are getting into the heart of the matter.
The central inquiry of a Venus retrograde is:
What do you desire?
What do you really desire?
This might pertain to relationships, your work, your life. It feels simple, but it’s often more complex beneath the surface.
It’s easy to be seduced by the stories of people who left everything behind and created a life of more money, passive income, and that elusive “freedom” from the constraints of life.
The story of a “better life” shimmers like the ocean on a bright sunny day. But it’s important to consider that the glistening waves are temporary.
On a cloudy day, those waves don’t have the same shine and shimmer. And even in the sun, what matters most is what’s deep under the surface of the water.
As you consider what you desire, think about what’s beneath the surface. Venus signifies the form or shape of things. What is the shape of your desire?
What is the experience you want to have in your daily life?
In life, we don’t just look at the waves glistening in the sun; we swim in the water.
What’s the water you want to swim in?
Before you leave your job or uproot your life, look more closely at your own landscape. You may be closer than you think.
Maybe you already have what you desire, albeit in a different form. Or maybe you can get there with a few tweaks to the shape.
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