For the past few months, I’ve been dealing with a knee issue that hasn’t resolved.
It started with swelling that at first wasn’t interfering with movement. After the doctor drained it for the first time, he forced me to immobilize it for a few weeks — a protocol that led to a cascade of complications and has significantly limited my range of motion.
Two months after first seeing the first doctor, I’m still waiting for a clear diagnosis. I’ve had the knee drained 3 times, and it continues to swell after each drainage.
Even after removing the immobilizer, I’m continuing to have significant restrictions — and more pain than before I saw a doctor.
I’m not even really in a true “recovery” phase yet — more like a holding pattern.
And that’s hard.
The Inner Push and Pull
There are two parts of me in constant negotiation:
The Inner Push to Go Hard
One part of me wants to push myself. I want to move with power and confidence — and I don’t want to be afraid of any movements.
I like the feeling of accomplishment when I lift heavy, and the stimulus of a workout in which I push my edge gives me a dopamine boost that I rely on to start my day. Boring rehab exercises just don’t give me the same stimulus.
That said, this isn’t just about an ego trip of lifting my max or feeling like I got a good workout.
Immobilizing my knee for 3 weeks stifled my range of motion, led to muscle atrophy in my legs, and turned off neuromuscular patterning that I had worked hard to recondition over the past several years.
It’s frustrating to feel like I’m back at square one.
I also know that the longer I go with a limited range of motion, the longer it will take to get it back. The same is true for muscle. At the stage of life where I’m already losing muscle faster than I can put it on, I feel the urgency to push through the pain to get back to my “normal” workouts.
Resisting the Urge to Bypass Basics
On the other hand, I haven’t even had a proper diagnosis yet. I’m not in recovery so much as limbo.
I know that I know I can’t rebuild by bypassing the basics. If I can’t get into the right starting position — or move through proper mechanics — then lifting heavier will only reinforce existing compensation patterns or trigger new ones that will put me further from recovery.
The best way to prevent future injuries is to take the time to heal correctly. Foundation and proper mechanics must be the priority over strength.
It’s hard to reconcile these parts, especially in a culture that rewards pushing hard, pushing through, and “toughing it out.”
I know that the smart move is to [rebuild from the foundation](https://mymeadowreport.com/reneefishman/2025/5-keys-to-sustainable-improvement. To once again reestablish neuromuscular connection. To retrain my body with intention.
The Long Game
Every day I must remind myself that this is a long game.
I’m not a competitive athlete trying to make it back for playoffs. And even if I were — what’s the point of winning one game if it costs you your ability to be in top form for the next season?
Olympic gymnast Kerri Strug was celebrated for vaulting on a severely injured ankle in the 1996 Olympics, securing a gold medal for the U.S. team. But that vault ended her career.
Years later, Simone Biles withdrew from the Tokyo Olympics to protect her mental and physical health. She caught criticism for it, but she came back.
That’s the long game.
My long game is to build strength for life; to continue to be able to move and life for decades to come. To fulfill that goal, I must lay the proper foundations and establish the neuromuscular connections that will result in solid mechanics.
That means dialing it back and proceeding at a slower pace, with proper supervision, to ensure I’m not making things worse.
The Yoga of It All
I’ve been talking about this with my yoga students because this is what I call “the yoga of it all.”
Whether it’s on the mat or in the gym, the real practice of yoga is not the pose or the movement; it’s listening to your body and what it needs, rather than to the mind and what the ego wants.
Our bodies change as we get older. They change when we suffer injuries. They change when we are under stress.
That’s why the idea of “1% better every day” is a myth: the fact that you could do something yesterday doesn’t guarantee you can do it today.
In every area of life, sometimes progress looks like scaling back and doing less.
That’s a hard truth to embrace in a culture of “do more.”
The Real Heavy Lift
The real heavy lift for me right now isn’t the weight on a barbell — it’s accepting where I am, getting my ego out of the way, and focusing on what’s safe and accessible for me to do with the body I have right now.
It’s about choosing the long game over the quick win, and recognizing that I might not be executing at my true potential. Instead, I’m executing at the maximum potential I have in this moment.
The heavy lift is about building a foundation that will support me — not just through any one workout, but through a lifetime of movement.
Obviously, this is a lesson that extends way beyond the confines of the gym or the yoga mat. Rebuilding is a slow process that happens one step at a time.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...