Win With Kindness

You want to win? It’s grounded in kindness. Understand that kindness is a strength, and understand how to get yourself happy. — Gary Vaynerchuck

I believe that kindness is an alpha killer business trait, not some nice additive to the way the world is today. You have to understand why kindness matters. If you’re kind to your employees, they stay longer. Continuity matters when you’re building something meaningful. If you don’t fuck over your vendors by not paying them, if you do the right thing, they keep doing business with you. Kindness matters because you and yourself will feel better and you’re the fucking engine. — Gary Vaynerchuck

Today is World Kindness Day.

Gary Vaynerchuck may not be the first person who pops into your mind when you think about themes like kindness, empathy, and compassion. He’s a loud-talking, F-bomb-dropping entrepreneur who is clearly playing to win.

Kindness is often relegated to that list of skills known as “soft skills” — the skills that don’t really count when it comes to “winning.”

And that’s why I love when Gary speaks about the importance of kindness. Gary takes kindness out of the realm of the “woo” and shows why it matters.

Gary makes clear that the “soft skills” are the skills – the core skills needed to succeed in business and in life.

When Gary says that “kindness matters because you …. will feel better” it’s not hyperbole. Studies show that performing acts of kindness makes us feel good. It lights up the pleasure centers in our brain. Even witnessing or hearing about acts of kindness makes us feel better.

Self-Kindness Comes First

As much as it’s important for us to be kind to others, it’s even more important for us to be kind to ourselves.

In fact, that’s where it starts. We cannot gives others what we are unable to give to ourselves. Not only that, but self-kindness is actually a secret to well-being, increased efficacy, greater productivity, and less procrastination.

If you are skeptical, I get it.

I took a long time to get on board with this. I long believed that my well-trained inner critic was there to help me do better. Even after reading the research showing that self-compassion is more effective than self-criticism when it comes to resolving procrastination, I resisted self-kindness.

Without the self-berating and self-judgment, how would I keep myself in line? How would I stay accountable or correct the errors of my ways unless I reprimanded myself?

And yet the more I listen to and observe people who I perceive as being highly efficient and accomplished, the more I see a clear pattern of what these people have in common: self-kindness.

They don’t judge themselves or give attention to the judgments of others. They don’t self-berate or self-condemn. Instead, they speak to themselves nicely and embrace themselves with compassion. And, in turn, they treat others with grace.

People who judge themselves harshly, on the other hand, tend to be less kind to and less forgiving of others.

I know which type of person I prefer to be around, and which type of person I aspire to be.

kindness is a strength
detox yourself of judgment
win with empathy