The attunement to possible threats is hard-wired in me, as it is for many people who are neurodivergent and “highly sensitive.”
My system is always scanning the environment: Reading bodies and faces, sensing subtle energy shifts, noticing slight changes in tone of voice.
Then my mind runs through all the scenarios: whether there’s an oncoming threat to me or them, whether I need to take action.
Coupled with compassion, empathy, and a desire to help people out of pain, it can become all-consuming.
It often feels like a problem — a debilitating aspect of myself that I don’t know how to manage.
I have to remind myself that this is a skill, and an asset.
When used effectively, it’s a survival mechanism and a healing superpower.
When I’m teaching a yoga class, it’s a superpower to be attuned to my students’ pains. When I’m working with a client, it’s an asset to be able to hear what isn’t said or to perceive the pain they have that they can’t articulate.
But in other contexts it’s a distraction — or leads to complete system shut down.
When I’m fully engaged, I’m asking strangers if they’re ok and offering help that they don’t ask for and may not need.
When my system gets truly overloaded, it shuts down. I appear to be insular, uncaring, and self-absorbed. And without that attunement, I can override my own needs.
This is the challenge of ADHD: I’m often in a state of all or nothing.
What I’m often missing is the volume knob: the ability to turn it down when it’s not serving my needs and turn it up when it will be useful.
Risk and threats are a real part of life. The ability to detect an oncoming threat is an advanced evolutionary response that can help us survive.
Finding that volume knob is crucial to avoiding the extremes of constant anxiety, intrusiveness, or complete shut-down.
When you feel overwhelmed by the threat detection mechanism run amok, think of one specific action you can take to mitigate the consequences of the risk.
In the interpersonal context, I have to remind myself that it’s not my job to help everyone.
Trusting others to handle their own needs or to reach out for help if they want help isn’t just good for them; it also is a form of self preservation.
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