What do you really want?
This is the central inquiry during Venus retrograde. Today, as Venus in Leo, forms a square with Uranus in Taurus, it exposes the friction beneath this apparently simple inquiry:
Is what I want within the acceptable bounds of desire? Am I allowed to want what I want?
Going Against the Grain
A few weeks ago, I started teaching in-person yoga classes with a local studio. This moment has been a long time coming:
Although I completed my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training in 2019, I had not seriously pursued opportunities to teach. I said I wanted to teach, but I didn’t really take aggressive action to make it happen.
Some of this was circumstantial: first I was traveling, then there was a pandemic.
Of course, those constraints didn’t stop many other people from completing yoga teacher trainings and jumping into teaching.
The bigger issue that lurked beneath the surface was the not-insignificant hurdle of being willing to claim — even to myself — that this is something I deeply desired to do. Not just in theory, but in practice.
Stripping Free of Expectations
In part, this required stripping myself of the expectations and judgments laid on me by parents and others that I should be doing something more “intellectual” and “worthy of my intelligence and education.”
Notwithstanding the fact that the ranks of yoga teachers are filled with former lawyers, that this isn’t the only thing I do, and that I haven’t practiced law in over 15 years, it always comes back to this: the guilt trip that the path I’m pursuing is a “waste of my education.”
This isn’t anything new.
In 2003, I was a third-year associate at a prominent international law firm. I was working on cases that seemed “fun” and “sexy” on the surface — sports law, intellectual property, false advertising — but I was miserable. A career coach asked me to list all the things I loved to do — what brought me joy — both within my job and in the various hobbies I pursued outside the office.
From this list, we pulled out the patterns that emerged. These included:
- in-person collaboration
- in-person engagement
- making tangible things — baking, cooking, crafting
- working with my hands
- event planning and hosting
- anything where I was active and engaged in my body
This is not quite the list that would lead to fulfillment as a lawyer, or any other position where I’d be forced to sit behind a screen all day. (Including blogger, as I am often quick to point out, at least to myself.)
Yet the things that brought me joy appeared to be off-limits for me in terms of career choice.
The Boundaries of Acceptable Desire
For as far back as I can remember, whenever I expressed interests in certain fields I was told that I was “too smart for that.” The message was clear, and sometimes explicit: those paths were good for people who didn’t have my intelligence, my grades, and my talents. Not for me.
To be fair, some of this is cultural. My grandparents were immigrants, who believed that obtaining university degrees and pursuing “recognized” professions was a path to a stable future. It was a prevailing cultural value at the time; in many circles it still is.
My menu of options seemed limited to doctor, lawyer, or accountant.
By the time my younger sister was selecting college majors and choosing a career path, the field of acceptable options had widened slightly, but not enough to eliminate the resistance and discouragement I received when I left law to become a real estate agent.
The Perceived Choice of Authenticity vs Attachment
To those who were raised without such insular family dynamics, this might seem overblown. I hear your valid objection:
As adults, we should have the right to make our own decisions about what to do with our lives.
As true as this may be when considered objectively, it doesn’t feel like a real option for many.
If you were raised and conditioned in a family that held (or still holds) these beliefs, you know the powerful weight of this dynamic.
In both my real estate and coaching practices I routinely work with clients who hesitate to pursue what they truly desire. They feel constrained by the expectations imposed upon them for what is in the realm of “acceptable” or “appropriate” for them given the family legacy and their status or station in life.
This is the tension between authenticity and attachment. Following your heart’s desire can feel like too big of a risk.
Until we do the work to rewire their beliefs, they will procrastinate and hesitate, at the cost of their life satisfaction.
Venus Square Uranus: What Do I Really Want?
Today, Venus makes a square aspect — an aspect of friction — to Uranus.
One of the core significations of Venus is desire. While often portrayed in terms of the erotic, Venus’ desire is broader than love and sex. Venus is about what we are attracted to, and what we value.
Uranus is the planet that signifies revolution. It breaks barriers and upends the status quo in service of our liberation.
Venus is currently in the middle of its retrograde through Leo. When retrograde, it invites us into a period of review of our values, relationships, and other Venus issues.
One of the core inquiries that arises for our review during Venus retrograde is
What do I want out of life?
On one hand, it seems like such a simple question. Yet also, it’s not simple at all. It is tied into a more challenging question, which reflects the friction of Venus’ square to Uranus:
Is what I want within the acceptable bounds of desire?
Am I allowed to want what I want?
Am I allowed to pursue what I want?
It’s this inquiry that can expose where you get stuck and why you don’t take action toward what you say you want.
If you don’t believe you have permission to desire what your heart desires, you will slog through on a path that is not aligned. Life becomes harder than it needs to be.
Before you can expose this friction, you must get radically honest with yourself:
What do you truly desire?
You only get one life. This is your opportunity to start writing your own rules.
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