The sentence emerges in some form in almost every conversation I have with the people who gravitate toward me for support and advice.
It may differ in precise wording, but the overall challenge is the same.
Some people lead with it and some sneak it in a side door under the pretense of discussing a different challenge.
Yet it emerges, raising its head to be noticed, confronted, dealt with in some capacity.
I know what I should be doing, but I’m not doing it.
Maybe that “should” is a “want” but it emerges the same. Dig down beneath the want and you’re likely to find an expectation — a “should.”
Or maybe it’s a “have to.” Have to feels even more oppressive than a should.
None of them feel good.
I’ve been digging into this for over a decade, in my own experience and to help others.
People come to me with their shoulds because they see some of the things I do consistently, daily, and they also want to do those things. They believe they should do them.
Things like daily exercising and meditation, like writing and publishing a blog.
I should exercise more…
I want to start a meditation practice…
I want to start a blog…
They remark on my apparent discipline.
Of late, some have remarked on my new 5 am (and 4:30 am sometimes) wake up time.
I should wake up earlier…
If these sound like you, let me shatter any illusion you might have of my great discipline and your lack of same.
I don’t do these things out of any sense of should. When I have, whatever it is doesn’t last long.
Nobody is forcing me to wake up at 5 am, and especially not at 4:30 am.
I do it because it fuels me; because what’s on the others side pulls me toward it.
I choose to do it. I get to do it.
Language Shapes Meaning
The language we use to describe our actions and how we feel about them can influence our energy more than we realize.
Play around with your language.
Pay attention to how it feels for you to say you have to vs you should vs you get to.
Notice which gives you energy and which depletes your energy.
You may need to reframe the activity around this.
I’ll be honest: I don’t think I get to wake up at 5 am. Instead, I am focused on where I’m going:
I get to go to an awesome class that will challenge me, help me build strength, and fuel my energy for the day. I get to have someone else plan my workout and I only have to show up.
The wake-up time is a by-product.
Should vs have to vs get to are all options for you.
Try them on. Play with them.
You get to choose.