In my first career as a lawyer, I trained the skill of “issue spotting:” finding the legal issues in a fact pattern, identifying the problem to be solved, the broken element that needs to be fixed.
In part that’s what drew me to study law in the first place. I like to solve problems. I like to fix things.
It’s my natural instinct, when I see something broken, to want to fix it.
Perhaps it is for you, too. It’s a dominant trait in our culture.
It pretty much is the definition of politics: people fighting about what’s broken and the best way to fix it.
It’s embedded into many religions: Fixing what’s broken in people or in our world.
This bleeds over into how we view ourselves.
The ability to see the issues and fix the problems is a skill that I cherish. It’s valuable and important.
The problem with being good at solving problems is that, if not kept in check, you can easily jump the line into looking for problems where none exist. Or offering solutions when none are desired.
Have you ever shared with a friend a challenge you were having and they jumped into offering a solution when you didn’t really want one?
If so, then you know what that’s like. It feels intrusive. Like the other person didn’t hear you.
This is a common source of fights in relationships, by the way. The masculine energy loves to fix things.
Or maybe you were the friend who was quick to offer your two cents when it wasn’t requested.
Sometimes people just want to be heard. The act of listening can be more profound than any solution or advice offered.
As I’ve embraced my feminine energy, I’ve learned to soften my Fix-It nature. It’s a constant practice, because I love to fix things.
Releasing the need to fix everything offers freedom. I don’t have to take on the burden of seeing all the issues and finding all the problems to fix.
Not everything needs to be fixed.
Sometimes it’s ok to let things be as they are.