The greatest source of unhappiness in most people is a misalignment between how they think they need to show up and how they actually show up.
Dr. Gabor Maté points to the roots of childhood experiences, where we’re often implicitly taught that we must make a trade-off between authenticity and attachment.
We fear that if we cry, express emotion, or share our opinions and beliefs, then we will lose the love and caring of our parents or caregivers.
To put this in the framing of the six core human needs, we fear that if we express ourselves, we will lose our security/certainty and our love/connection.
As we get older and put ourselves out in the world, it can feel safer to mask, to silence a part of ourselves, or to keep parts hidden, in order to preserve our attachments.
Our online culture, in which our expression can be witnessed by potential employers, clients, and customers, can heighten the fear of consequences we might experience for being authentic.
It’s not only just love and connection at stake; it’s also potentially our income and financial security.
Being who you are shouldn’t be something to fear; it should be something to embrace.
Easier said than done?
Absolutely.
But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t endeavor to get there.
Masking our authenticity to create attachment might feel like the safe move, but the connections we form when we are hiding parts of ourselves aren’t real.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...