Here’s a truth bomb that may be uncomfortable, and not necessarily politically correct:
Men and women are not the same. Biologically, and in terms of our cultural conditioning, we are very different.
Here’s another thing:
Most productivity advice is written by and for men — especially neurotypical men.
it doesn’t account for a woman’s fluctuating hormonal cycles — cycles which impact energy levels and focus even under “normal” conditions that exist for the years between 18 and your 30s. It certainly doesn’t account for the fluctuations in hormones that occur in puberty and in peri-menopause and menopause.
Those latter two phases come at a time in life when we also tend to be aspiring to be in “peak productivity” in our careers, which only increases the pressure to “get it all done.”
Men and Women Aren’t the Same
It also doesn’t account for the increased responsibilities that women tend to bear, even when they are in relationships.
I’ve seen this play out with my clients. One client was a working woman with a husband and two kids who felt the burden of doing the family laundry on top of everything else. When she confronted her husband about the burden, his response was to take on his own laundry.
Not the household laundry — just his own.
Another client — this one a man, with a wife and kids — used the “burden” of having to care for his kids as an excuse for why he didn’t have time to grow his business. When I asked him about household matters, the facts showed a different story:
- Who did the laundry? He sent his out; his wife did her own and the kids.
- Who gave the kids dinner? He didn’t even know. He assumed that his kids — both under 14 — fended for themselves.
- Who arranged the kids’ activities and play dates? His wife, who also worked full time.
These anecdotal stories support are aligned with multiple studies that show that women tend to take on more of the daily burdens of life, even when they are in relationships.
The Invisible Load: Household Labor and Kin-Keeping
Studies show that women disproportionately handle household chores and cognitive labor, even in dual-income households.
These unrecognized burdens may not be income-generating, but they have a value. Nobody else is coming to clean your house, do your laundry, give your kids dinner, or arrange social engagements for you for free. You’d have to pay someone to do them for you.
In addition, women tend to be the “kin-keepers,” a term coined in 1993 by sociologist Micaela di Leonardo.
Kin-Keeping is the invisible burden of maintaining family ties and relationships: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and events, and planning social engagements. I’d also include here all the scheduling of doctors’ appointments, playdates, and other life-maintenance activities.
Some people refer to this as the “invisible load.”
All of these activities consume emotional, energetic, and mental bandwidth, physical energy, and — what most people consider the most elusive resource of all — time.
None of this is to say that women can’t be productive and accomplish things. Indeed, studies show women in the workplace tend to be better leaders and many women are highly accomplished and productive.
Also, none of this is to discount the men that do take on some of the invisible load. Certainly, more men in younger generations are more involved than the men of my parents’ generation. I’ve known men who have taken on more of the parenting and life maintenance.
But the conditioning in our culture and the way we are raised still puts this on women by default.
The Impact of Burnout and Autoimmune Disease
Women are also more likely to suffer burnout, have auto-immune diseases, and bear other consequences of physical and mental overload.
By at least one account, women account for approximately 80% of all autoimmune disease cases in the U.S. — a staggering gender disparity in health outcomes.
Aside from the impact of these conditions on energy levels and focus, consider how much time it takes to schedule doctors appointments, wait in doctors’ waiting rooms, and otherwise navigate these issues.
A woman managing a family, a household, and the impact of disease needs a different approach to “productivity” than what is traditionally offered.
3 Changes Needed to Conventional Productivity
Although people come to me for “productivity” advice and expertise, I am always loathe to call myself a “productivity” coach or expert because the term leaves me wanting.
What I advocate for, teach, and use in my coaching is a new paradigm of productivity.
Here are 3 approaches I take to “productivity” with myself and my clients that I continue to advocate for universal adoption.
(1) Productivity is Personal
First, we must recognize that productivity is personal.
I have spent the better part of the past 30 years taking productivity advice from every corner of the productivity landscape: from the Eisenhower Matrix to David Allen’s Getting Things Done, to Bullet Journaling and more. It took me a longer time than I’d like to admit to finally have the insight that a neurotypical man’s concept of productivity wasn’t going to work for me.
They aren’t dealing with period fatigue, fluctuating hormones, and a neurodivergent brain. People have different hormone levels, physical bodies, emotional, energetic, and financial resources. They also have different levels of responsibilities that consume their bandwidth differently. And not everyone starts with the same amount of energetic and cognitive bandwidth.
We must recognize the fact that men and women are not the same. We are not biologically the same, we are not conditioned the same way by culture, and we have different physical, mental, emotional, and energetic patterns that impact how we work and “get things done.”
We need to be mindful of the fact that productivity looks different for different people depending on their biology and how they were socialized.
Beyond biology, we must accept that people’s brains work differently, and how they work best is a reflection of their neurology.
One person may need stillness in a quiet space for focus, while another may focus best with ambient noise while they are moving around. Both are valid.
(2) Productivity is Cyclical
Second, we must recognize that “productivity” is not linear; it’s cyclical.
It wasn’t until I learned about and accepted the concept of seasons and cycles that I started to have more compassion for myself and seek my own systems.
Human beings are not robots or machines. Trying to “be productive” when you don’t have the energetic resources or bandwidth isn’t going to generate good results. It will only increase fatigue and burnout.
Recognizing the season you’re in — both on the macro and micro levels — is essential. Working with the energy of your personal seasons is the only way to sustain yourself and your contribution to the world.
(3) Productivity is Holistic
Third, we must redefine “productivity.”
Many women I know bristle at the term “productivity.” I’m right there with you.
It’s clear that the way we think about and define a term like “productivity” needs an overhaul.
What does it even mean to be “productive”?
The pressure to be “productive” in the traditional sense betrays all the ways that women are productive and generative. Our culture doesn’t value those contributions, even though we wouldn’t have a functioning society without them.
I am constantly searching for a different term. Until I can find one, the best I can do is redefine the term. That’s why I coined the approach of “Holistic Productivity” several years ago.
Holistic productivity is focused on the whole picture of a person. It’s not just about how much you get done and your produce.
Holistic productivity factors in timing issues like the cycles of the seasons, as well as personal cycles: hormonal fluctuations, seasons of grief and loss vs seasons of high energy, what else is on your plate at any given time.
Holistic productivity recognizes that mental, emotional, and physical stressors impact your focus and energy.
Whether you’re grieving the death of a loved-one, dealing with a sick child, going through a physical illness, or battling the ups and downs of a chronic illness will impact your focus.
The argument with your spouse or boss, the pesky low back pain, the bout of vertigo or sciatica — all of these things impact your energy and output.
Holistic productivity takes the full picture into account, recognizing that every part of a system impacts every other part of the system.
A Sustainable Model of Generative Work
Recognizing that productivity is personal, cyclical, and holistic can help us create frameworks that leverage our resources at different points in time, in different seasons of our lives.
It’s a compassionate model that accounts for how we best contribute and that allows for sustainability over time.
This is the approach I bring to myself and my clients. It’s the only approach that allows us to find sustainable measures of contribution and satisfaction in life.
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