Comparison is the thief of joy.
At the gym where I train, we use an app that gives the details of each day’s workout.
We can log our results of each workout — the weight we lifted, the time we hit on a workout — in the app. Anytime we do a workout — whether a routine lift, or a “benchmark” workout, the automatically reminds you of the date you last did this workout and what you scored. This offers an easy and efficient way to keep track of progress.
When I hit a new PR, the app throws confetti and tells me I am awesome, which feels nice.
The app also has a digital version of a public white board, where we can see the scores of everyone who logged their workout, and even offer virtual fist-bumps and add comments.
It’s a nice way to build community, and I often feel boosted by the encouragement and support I receive in the app from other members who might take class at a different time.
All that said, there’s also a hidden downside in this public ranking:
It invites comparison.
There’s nothing quite like having your best day and still finding yourself at the bottom of the rankings.
Deflating the Post-Achievement High
Over the past year since I started doing CrossFit, I’ve noticed how seeing where I rank sometimes deflates the buoyancy of my post-achievement high.
This seems to prove the adage that comparison is the thief of joy.
Seasoned CrossFitters and coaches have reminded me that it’s not about competition with others — that the competition is only with myself, and that I should focus on comparing my previous best with my current best.
Obviously, great advice, and true.
But this fails to address the true cause of the deflation — one that the adage about comparison also misses.
When it comes to what deflates the high and steals joy, comparison gets undue blame.
Comparison is not the culprit here.
Comparison is Normal and Natural
Comparison is natural human behavior.
We do it below the level of conscious awareness.
From the time we exit the womb, comparison is how we find our place in the world.
As babies, we learn to compare the faces of our caretakers with other faces. How does a baby know when its being held by a parent versus a stranger? It compares the face, the energy of how the person is holding them, to what it has previously experienced.
When toddlers put shaped objects into holes matching those shapes, they are learning the skill of comparison on a conscious level.
Any activity where a child is forced to examine “which of these things is not like the other” is a lesson in comparison.
Comparison is how we stay safe. It’s only through comparison that we can assess when something doesn’t feel right — because it feels different, or “off” somehow.
Telling someone not to employ comparison is like telling them not to breathe. It’s something we do unconsciously — a habit — for our survival.
The Real Thief of Joy
The real thief of joy is judgement, with expectation a frequent co-conspirator.
What deflates my high is when I judge myself for being not good enough or less deserving because of where I rank.
Comparison, on it’s own, provides information. It shows me where I stand relative to others or relative to my past performance. It’s a useful tool for assessing where I am.
Comparison can also show me what is possible. It allows me to see possibilities that I might otherwise be unable to see from the vantage point of my own experience.
Comparison only steals my joy when I allow it to be an unwitting accomplice, opening the door to expectation and judgment.
I set myself up for disappointment when I use others’ performances — or even my own past performance — to set expectations for how I should perform, or what my goals should be.
When I can observe my place in the rankings with objective neutrality, my high remains buoyant.
Focus on the Real Thief
When we focus on demonizing comparison, we leave the door open for the real thieves of expectation and judgment to sneak in.
Increasing awareness of where we harbor expectations and judgment can show us where we need to do the inner work that will increase our joy.
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