release your control
trust in others’ sovereignty
deepen connection
Leadership is not the same as control.
Although many of us may equate the two in our minds.
Today is the penultimate day of our 7-week journey through the tree of life. The theme is Yesod of Malchut.
Yesod is the quality of connection, bonding, foundation, and communication. It speaks to our relationships. Malchut is sovereignty, mastery, nobility, agency, and leadership.
The Path to Deeper Connection
This journey through the tree of life has been a journey to find our inner guru, to learn to listen to the still voice within. This may feel at odds with the ideal of relationship, because in relationship we consider others’ perspectives.
Ironically, the way to deeper connection with others is to recognize their sovereignty. And the way to expand your sovereignty and leadership is through forming deeper connections with others and attuning to their needs.
This can become a virtuous cycle.
Leadership vs Control
Control is not leadership. What we seek to control control us. And when we are controlled by others we lack sovereignty. We become prisoners of our own systems.
True leadership is not about controlling people or having people follow you; it’s about empowering others to listen to and lead themselves.
Consider a team in the workplace. Recently I’ve consulted with a few team leaders who have felt frustrated by the under-performance of their teams. After doing some discovery interviews with team members, it became clear to me that the leaders weren’t displaying trust of their team.
They were trying to micromanage and prescribe behaviors. They were trying to control their team members.
Not only does this not improve performance, but also it leads to exhaustion.
The leaders weren’t attuned to the needs of the people on their team. They hadn’t bonded with them.
Empower Sovereignty to Deepen Connection
The starting point is to recognize each person’s sovereignty and agency. By trusting them and giving them space we can help them feel empowered to be who they are. This translates into less work for us. We don’t have to take over-responsibility for others.
I see how this plays out in my client relationships. When I recognize that my clients are whole and complete as they are, that there is nothing for me to fix, I can be more present to my clients needs. This deepens connection and trust. My client feels a sense of safety that facilitates expansion and growth.
Bonding occurs when I recognize my sovereignty and my clients’ sovereignty. I’m not trying to displace their inner wisdom. To the contrary, my goal is to help them hear it. When my clients feel empowered in this way I can help them facilitate transformation with less effort on my part, which expands my own sovereignty.
If I were to deny my clients’ sovereignty, there would be no trust in the coaching container. They wouldn’t feel safe to experiment and they wouldn’t get results.
The TL;DR
Help people thrive by recognizing their sovereignty. This deepens connection and trust and creates a safe space for growth for others while expanding and empowering your own sovereignty and leadership.