Your Inner Critic is a Liar

Last week, I did something I had been talking about for five years: I finally taught the first class of the first cohort of The Ritual Revolution, a group coaching experience that I created to help high achievers break their sabotaging habits and create space for their best work.

It was a long time coming and took a lot to reach that point.

Over 90 minutes via Zoom, I guided an opening meditation, laid the framework for the 7 week container, and facilitated dialogue.

Each participant showed up fully and shared openly and honestly.

When the first class was over, I had every reason to celebrate. Which I did, for four minutes.

Four full minutes.

That’s how long it took before I texted my coach with a partial list of what I had done wrong, or not according to plan.

He encouraged me to celebrate. Could I give it 10 minutes? I would try. After all, I preach the importance of celebrating wins.

I decided to take a walk. I went outside, felt the early evening sun on my face, and started to walk.

Suddenly, my Inner Critic returned. And she was on a tear.

My Inner Critic can be ruthless and incessant. She is constantly picking apart everything I do to make sure I know all the ways in which I’m not measuring up, not adding value, not living up to expectations, not fulfilling my potential. But this was another level.

The faster I walked, the faster she spoke, her words cutting through the air and piercing me. She picked apart everything, until I was left in scattered shreds and tear-stained cheeks, a shell of the me who had just shown up in such a magnificent way.

And then I checked my phone. One participant, a friend, had sent me a text to ask me how I thought it went. He thought it went well.

Another participant wrote to tell me

You really have a knack for both managing and engaging everyone and bringing your insight to everyone, including me. I was really impressed with your work!

Wait, what? Were these people at the same class as my Inner Critic?

Yes they were.

It turns out that my Inner Critic is a liar. I’m guessing yours is too.

The evidence that Inner Critic shows us is an illusion — a slight of hand that makes us believe the lie.

But if we look beyond the Inner Critic’s lies, we will see evidence that the critic is wrong.

It’s all about where we focus and where we choose to look.