Over the past five years, I’ve been through some major disruptions.
A brain injury that revealed the weaknesses in my business and how I was working, followed by burnout and a breakdown. There’s been massive debt, shifting my business model, losing support of people I relied on, and of course, living without a home (still navigating that one).
On the outside I always put up a good front, but in the quiet confines of my self-isolation, and sometimes in the safety of close and trusted friends, I have had many moments when I broke down under the crushing anxiety that defined my life. I often felt like nobody would understand or get what I was going through. Feelings of isolation and loneliness were routine.
There were many moments when I collapsed on the floor in a pile of tears, wondering, Why me? What is the purpose of all of this? When will I be through this fire?
Was this another test?
My questions were rhetorical.
Even as I asked, I knew that it wasn’t a test. The trials we face in life are not tests; they are proof — proof that we are capable of more than we believe.
In my moments of expanded awareness, I knew that I would use these experiences to serve others.
Leaders must walk the fire first, before they can lead others through the fire.
I have walked the fire and emerged, like Phoenix rising from the ashes.
Through all of my ups and downs, I kept taking notes, observing and refining my systems and approaches. I worked on myself. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, building resilience and strength.
For years, people have asked about my daily fitness practice, what are you training for? My answer has always been the same: I’m training for life. Looking back, I can see how true that has been of so many of my practices, and on so many levels.
Decisions don’t always make sense in the moment we make them. Listening to inner wisdom and acting according to what you receive requires immense trust. Faith. I trusted that I was being guided for a reason and a purpose, that a time would come when all I had been through and learned would be relevant, when my skills and the body of work I developed would be needed.
Sometimes it feels like nothing is working. Until one day you realize: this is what it was for.
That day came this week, when I realized that this state we’re now in collectively is that time.
This is what I’ve been preparing for.
Our greatest challenges become our greatest gifts. This week I realized that those moments I once thought limited me actually expanded my capacity to lead, to serve, and to heal.
Nobody knows what’s coming next, or how long this will last. But whatever it is, I’m ready.
Challenges always come full circle.