Seeing the Light Within

Today I saw something that I haven’t seen in weeks: the sun shining against a clear blue sky.

It feels odd to say this, given that I’ve been in Southern California for over two months.

I came here for sunshine. I wanted consistency in the weather. My mood and productivty are better when the sky is blue and the sun is shining.

People say it’s always sunny in San Diego. This is not true. Not in May and June. Apparently it has a name: May Gray and June Gloom.

It’s been cold, cloudy, rainy, foggy — the exact weather I sought to leave behind when I left New York.

For weeks, I resisted this grey and gloomy weather. I allowed the weather’s inconsistency and uncertainty to irritate me.

This is not what I came here for. I came here for predictable sunshine and warm weather.

In fact, maybe this is exactly why I came here.

Whatever you’re trying to run from follows you.

I can’t control the weather, so fighting it is an energy drain. There’s no possibility of winning that fight.

My task was to find the consistency I desired, and the light I sought, within myself.

At some point in the past couple of weeks, I stopped checking the weather forecast every day.

I surrendered.

Slowly, I noticed a shift.

I began to regain a sense of rhythm — something that’s been hard to cultivate with 29 moves so far this year.

Surrendering to the weather removed the uncertainty from my energy field.

The light I’m really seeking isn’t in the sky anyway. It’s within me.

I reminded myself that even when it looks gloomy and grey, the light is always there. Sometimes it’s just hidden by clouds.

In the same way, your light is always within you. Even when it’s temporarily masked by fear, stress, uncertainty, and your endless list of things to do, those conditions aren’t permanent.

Eventually the clouds part, revealing the blue skies and the light that’s been hidden.