All those voices telling you you’re not doing enough, that you’re losing time, that everything must be done now … none of them originated with you.
Those voices belong to people outside of you.
They are voices of people who harbor judgments. They don’t trust.
They want to be in control. And they fear what happens when they aren’t in control.
These voices are in your head because you allowed them to enter. You gave them residence. Perhaps because they belonged to people close to you: parents, teachers, mentors.
The people who originated these voices may believe they are serving your interests. They speak this way to you out of caring, maybe even “love.”
Maybe you believe that. Maybe you also believe that “tough love” works best as a motivator. Perhaps that’s why you’re so hard on yourself.
Studies show that this type of “tough love” is actually an ineffective motivator. Compassion works much better than judgment.
This applies to how we speak to ourselves and how we speak to others.
It would be a shame to work on your self-compassion only to allow others to speak to you in harsh, judgment-filled ultimatums.
You can’t change other people. Some people believe they are serving when they speak in those harsh tones.
The great thing is that you get to choose what you’re willing to tolerate. You may not be able to change them but you can choose not to allow them into your life. You can choose to not accept their messages.
Opinions, even of those who think they know best, are only opinions.
You get to choose how much weight to give them.
It all comes down to this: what are you willing to tolerate?
The choice is yours.