What we believe influences how we see the world, how we view situations and circumstances, and the actions we choose to take — or don’t choose to take.
The most dangerous belief that is keeping you stuck is the belief that
I can do this on my own.
Sometimes it is expressed as:
I should be able to do this on my own.
Or as I don’t need any support.
This belief can prevent us from requesting or receiving the support we need to actually move forward, keeping us stuck.
Here are 3 reasons why this belief is so dangerous:
(1) It Can Sound Like an Empowering Belief
This belief that you can “do it on your own” likely started as an empowering belief: encouragement from parents and teachers that intended to instill in you the belief that you are smart and capable.
This belief may have been conditioned in you with the best of intentions, but every belief, taken to an extreme, can become a disempowering belief.
Believing that you are smart and capable of doing things can be empowering.
But if this belief keeps you from requesting or receiving support you need, it can quickly turn disempowering and keep you stuck.
(2) It Can Be Shaming
Anytime we venture into the land of should we can cross over into shaming territory. The belief that we should be able to do something on our own, can cause us to feel shame when we struggle to get it done without support.
Many women I work with feel pressure of needing to manage their households, their kids, the laundry, and the house-keeping work in addition to their other work or creative endeavors. They feel shame when they can’t seem to do it all on their own.
Individuals with ADHD often face an added challenge of needing help for things that appear to be “simple,” like organizing and clearing clutter. The belief that they should be able to do this without help creates shame that prevents them from seeking help.
Whether it’s cleaning your house, managing your time, dealing with your kids or employees, knowing the next best action to take in your business, or anything else we need to do, the last thing we need is to feel shame around receiving support.
(3) It’s Not True
The myth of the solopreneur is rampant, but it’s false.
Look at any successful business owner, content creator, parent, manager, and leader and you will see that behind the facade of the individual is often a team of people.
This team might include employees, assistants, and freelancers who help do the actual work. It might include coaches, consultants, advisors, and mentors. Or it might include spouses and friends who provide emotional support. Some people work with body doubles or “study partners” to get things done.
Even the schedule imposed by other people’s needs — such as picking up kids from school or activities — can offer a supportive structure that keeps solopreneurs on track and out of perfectionism. When you have to go pick up your kids, you don’t have time to languish in indecision and perfection paralysis.
You Can Be Capable AND Need Support
Often, dismantling this belief can be challenging because it bumps up against a common cognitive distortion:
If I allow myself to receive the support I need, then that means I’m not as capable as I thought I was.
Recognize that this is a form of all-or-nothing thinking.
The truth is, you can be capable AND need support. Requesting and receiving support doesn’t mean you’re not capable or smart.
The strongest leaders are those who are honest with themselves about what support they need, and who request and receive that support.
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