If you’ve ever tried to create new habits, you know it can be challenging.
There are many books and websites that purport to give you exact instructions on how to create habits. The basics are not that complicated:
- Identify a trigger.
- Do an action.
- Receive a reward.
Yet many people still find it hard to put this formula into action in a way that creates a habit.
Clearly, there’s a missing link.
You might think that missing link is time.
Perhaps you struggle to repeat the action for the 21 days it supposedly takes to build a new habit.
The “21-days” bit is a myth, however.
If you stop to think about it, it is ridiculous.
Consider your relationship with your phone or social media: the way you instinctively reach for your phone or open a social media app and start scrolling. It did not take you 21 days to build that habit.
A certain coffee shop gives you the right vibe for doing your work and suddenly you go there without thinking about it.
We create new habits all the time, often without even realizing it.
So if it’s that easy to create habits, what is the missing link to creating the new habits that you want to create?
The Missing Link to Creating New Habits
The missing link is that it’s not enough to create a new habit.
You also must eliminate the habits that are in the way of the habit you want to build.
And that’s where the real challenge lies.
The hard part of the process isn’t creating habits; it’s breaking habits.
In fact, when I listen to most people share the habits they want to create, they are really talking about habits they want to break, such as
- defaulting to their phone first thing in the morning
- scrolling social media whenever they have a free moment or feel restless or bored
- eating for comfort
They haven’t even identified a new habit to create.
What a habit really is
What makes breaking habits so hard is the very thing that defines a habit.
A habit is an automatic response to a trigger that gives us a reward.
The key word here automatic. Habits are unconscious. We do them without thinking.
- checking your phone
- scrolling social media
- reaching for the food even if you’re not hungry
Awareness is the First Step
In an ideal world with a “clear playing field,” habits aren’t hard to create. But nobody has a clear playing field.
To create new habits, you must also dislodge the current habits that interfere with your new intentions.
This requires awareness of both the habits that are interfering and the conditions that lead to those habits.
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