Embracing the Both/And of Life

Five weeks ago, my grandma had a stroke that left her paralyzed. When she died ten days later, I was still processing the shock of the stroke. Although she was 99 and moving more slowly these days, she had been generally healthy.

Over the past five weeks, I’ve been neck-deep in processing grief. Even when I think I’ve processed most of it mentally, I still feel its effects in my body. My workouts have been painful, I’ve started to dread going to the gym. I can’t focus well. The things that typically bring me joy have not been bringing me joy.

As one would expect.

This, in turn, causes more grief and fear:

Will things ever go back to normal? Will I re-find enthusiasm for what I once loved?

This same period of intense grief has also been one of impending joy and excitement in my family. Next weekend my twin nieces will have their Bat Mitzvah. I’ve been looking forward to celebrating this milestone with them for years.

I want desperately to show up pain-free and fully embodied in exuberance, enthusiasm, and joy, while being fully present to the celebration of the moment.

The Paradox of Life

This, of course, is the constant tension and paradox of life.

The seasons of life don’t come in a linear sequence where one gives way to another. We often get multiple competing dynamics at the same time.

Last week we had summer in autumn — an 80-degree day on November 1.

In the same way that I had to reconcile the cognitive dissonance of leaves crunching under my feet while my skin baked in the warm sun, life often forces us to navigate the extremes of pain and joy at the same time.

This is reflected in the planetary alignments that start this week.

Today brings us the battle of extremes, as we encounter a Mars/Pluto opposition and a Venus/Jupiter opposition.

Mars in Cancer Opposing Pluto in Capricorn

On one axis of the zodiac, Mars in Cancer comes into its exact opposition with Pluto in Capricorn.

Mars/Pluto oppositions often mirror challenging situations. Mars speaks to how we take action. It is the warrior planet: the planet of conflict, war, aggression, and anger. In Cancer, Mars is driven by emotion. It is often fearful, seeking to protect its territory, but from a defensive posture. It retreats.

Pluto is the planet of extremes, of taking things too far. Also the planet of control, power, power plays, and manipulation.

Pluto likes to silence or negate, and Mars doesn’t like to be silenced. What happens when you hold something down that doesn’t want to be held down, is that eventually it comes up with a vengeance and breaks through. You get an outburst.

That which we try to push into the shadow will eventually come up to get us — often at the most inopportune times.

Both are at the final minutes of the final degree of their respective signs, and it’s the final time they’ll oppose each other from these signs in our lifetime. This is speaking to the ending of a story that has been recurring since 2008. At the final minutes of the final degree of these cardinal signs, there’s a sense of urgency to wrap things up and move on, to expose what’s been in the way so we can move it out of the way.

This opposition is also the first of three that will occur over the next six months, connected to Mars’ upcoming retrograde. The next two times Mars and Pluto oppose each other will be across the Leo/Aquarius axis.

Something is ending, and we are moving on to a new chapter. This is the cycle of life: death and rebirth.

Venus in Sagittarius Opposing Jupiter in Gemini

Shortly after Mars and Pluto have their opposition, Venus will reach 20º of Sagittarius and oppose Jupiter in Gemini.

Venus and Jupiter are known as the two benefics of the solar system. Venus is the Lover, the connector, the artist. Jupiter expands everything. It gives blessings and wisdom.

Venus is in Jupiter’s home sign of Sagittarius, a fire sign that is known for its expansiveness. This signature is exuberant, hopeful, optimistic, joyful.

It’s still an opposition, so there might be some tension: it can be overly abundant, too social, disconnected from reality.

But in the big picture, it’s sunshine and rainbows.

The two oppositions couldn’t be more divergent:

Whereas Mars in Cancer retreats for cover and Pluto tries to suppress things, to keep them underground, Venus in Sagittarius is outwardly expressive of its love and joy and Jupiter in Gemini expansively communicates that exuberance.

Embracing the Both/And

These two oppositions are happening in different parts of the sky, and playing out in different areas of life in our charts that — on the surface — are unrelated to each other.

But, of course, everything is related. Because it’s all part of life.

We have parts of our lives in which we feel grief, sadness, and fear. And we have parts of our lives in which we feel joy and enthusiasm and unbridled love and excitement.

All of these emotions are part of our experience.

The Mars/Pluto and Venus/Jupiter oppositions each may have many lessons to teach us in a certain part of our lives. We may feel one scenario more than another on an individual and collective level.

Some might say that wherever we focus is what we’ll feel. And that might be true. If we look for the pain, we’ll find it. And if we look for the blessings, we’ll find them too.

But ultimately, the lesson here is not about which one we feed. Rather, it’s that strength and resilience comes through honoring the both/and.

Challenges and blessings are often delivered in the same package. When we invite one in, we bring the other as well.