What is the hallmark strength of a leader or teacher?
Many people — especially in current times —assume that it’s to get people to follow them.
We live in a culture that rewards those who amass followers and disciples.
But having followers does not make one a leader, and having students or disciples doesn’t make one a teacher or guru.
Nor is a teacher defined by their expertise.
A friend was telling me about a recent course she took to help her write her memoir. The teacher has a lot of experience in in helping authors get published. Based on years of experience, she presumably knows “what works.”
These days, it seems that anyone and everyone who figures out the way to get a certain result launches a course to teach others the way to get the same thing. If you’re not going to follow the teacher’s way, why enroll?
So when participants balked at homework assignments or wanted to try something different then what the teacher prescribed, you might expect the teacher to reaffirm her position and her expertise.
Instead, this teacher did the opposite: she encouraged the participants to follow their intuition and their instincts.
This is the way a true leader and teacher acts.
My friend shared this with me in the context of our discussion about the Tree of Life journey we are taking during the period of the Counting of the Omer, and the sephirah of Gevurah.
The literal meaning of Gevurah is strength. But this strength is not about brute strength to push something through. Nor is it about the strength of endurance — that is the realm of Netzach.
Rather, the essence of Gevurah is the strength of restraint.
Gevurah is about creating space. It is about not interfering and allowing things to unfold on their own terms and in their own timing.
Some people might question the strength of a teacher who doesn’t assert her position and demand adherence to her way.
This strength is more subtle: it’s the strength of humility and curiosity. It’s the strength to say,
I have a lot of experience in this, but I don’t have all the answers. I trust your intuition and your instinct and I’m curious to see where this goes.
This is the strength of letting go, of releasing the ego that makes you think you know best. It’s the strength of releasing the need to be a hero and savior.
It takes courage to hold back when you see a place where your expertise will help someone avoid pain. This requires trust in the other person and in the unfolding of life.
The realm of Gevurah is about not doing; allowing.
This is often a challenge for people conditioned to massive action and big moves.
We don’t learn the art of creating space. In a culture of doing, where we are often encouraged to interject our expertise and our voice, we don’t get enough practice in holding back.
We don’t learn the art — and benefits of — not doing.
Gevurah is about “holding back the Yetzer.” The Yetzer is our inclinations, tendencies, and habits.
The way we do that is by creating a space, a pause between the stimulus and response. In this pause, we allow others to find their agency and their ability to choose a path without our interference.
This is the job of a leader and teacher: not to lead people down the path that you created for yourself, but to create an environment that empowers others to find their own path through life.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...