Nevine Michaan, the founder of Katonah Yoga, teaches that to see where you are, you have to take a step back.
We set up in mountain pose: a simple standing pose. And then we take a step back.
We step back because you can’t see the present while you’re in it. You have to step back from it.
Like an artist steps back from a canvas to assess it before adding more to the painting.
Like a writer taking a break from the novel before returning to read it with fresh eyes.
To see where you’re going you must first see where you are. And to see where you are you must step back.
Sometimes, I need to step back to catch up with myself. My ideas and thoughts often run too far ahead, leaving me feeling behind.
Not behind the pace of others (that’s almost always a given, anyway), but behind myself. Behind my own desires.
Consider this a behind-the-scenes peek into what really happens with this blog. It’s not advice; it’s my experience.
I’m embarking on a journey of exploring the Kabbalah Tree of Life during the seven week period of the Omer.
I’ve chronicled this journey here previously. This year I want to explore it from new angles, adding in layers of astrology and other wisdom I’ve learned that folds into the framework.
My challenge is that I have limited cognitive bandwidth each day to put thoughts into words. And I’ve been behind my schedule. I need to catch up to myself.
Many people would tell me not to publish this in an essay. By the time you read this I will have moved on. How does it serve you to share these inner workings?
I believe it does serve you. There’s no curtain here. No magical wizard spinning wheels. I’m a one-woman show, constrained by the limits of my human nature.
In a world where so many online speak about how easy it is to publish a daily blog or run a business or sustain “habits,” I feel compelled to reveal the truth:
If you’re wondering how others “do it all” with seeming ease, I want you to know: not everyone. None of this shit is easy. Many of us struggle.
I put a lot of pressure on myself. Pressure that isn’t healthy or sustainable.
I need to relieve that pressure and let it go.
I need to take a step back to determine what I’m trying to do with this series, to clarify my intentions for my own learning and teaching.
It often sounds counter-intuitive, but the best way to move forward is to take a step back to reassess where you are, where you’re going, what path you’re taking to get there, and whether it’s all aligned.
The journey of the Omer is repeated annually. The benefit of repetition is insights. Repetition produces revelation.
But in writing about it, I don’t want to just repeat the same series. You can go back in the archives and read about each daily permutation of the sephirot.
So I need to take a step back and consider:
How do I want this year’s Omer series to be different from last year’s?
How do you do the same thing repeatedly while also making it fresh?
Ultimately, this is one of our great challenges in life. Cultivating daily practices that we can sustain without them feeling old or tired.
Sustainability is another issue here. In recent months, writing has consumed too much of my energy, as the expense of other priorities.
With limited cognitive bandwidth for writing each day, and with other projects calling for my attention, how do I make this sustainable?
Some of these issues are ripe for considering during the Omer journey — although they pertain to the topics in future weeks.
For the moment, I’m just taking a step back to check in with myself, catch my breath, assess where I am, and where I’m going.
This, too, is part of the Omer journey. Awareness of where you are and how you show up and what you need is a fundamental undercurrent of the entire experience.
Trusting that it will all come together is part of what we’re going for in the first place.
It’s ok to take a step back to regroup and catch up to yourself.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...