attune to yourself
feel the fear lodged deep within
hold space for healing
For as long as I can remember, it’s been like this: Every moment of joy marred by the contraction of fear.
Deep within, I feel knots form in my stomach. My jaw clenched. My body braces for the inevitable loss, the moment when the magic will dissolve, when the floor gets ripped out from under me.
I hear the faint echoes of an inner voice that asks:
How long will this last? When will it fall apart?
I am like Cinderella at the ball, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before my stage coach turns into a pumpkin.
And because that’s where my focus goes, that’s inevitably what happens.
I close off to life. To love. To joy. To possibility.
When this happens enough times, it’s easy to lose hope. It’s easy to lose vision. It’s easy to lose any faith in a compelling future.
Why bother to dream when even if the dream comes true it will all disintegrate? Why take action to achieve if every moment of joy is fleeting?
Fear can be a debilitating disease, ravishing the mind and the body, stiffening joints and seizing muscles.
Despite popular myths, there’s no override button for the stuckness that results. That fear that is lodged deep within me cannot simply be tossed aside. The fear is a part of me — a part long ago suppressed. It is a voice that longs to be heard, the voice of my inner child.
My job, as the adult, is not to shoo her away, but to hold space for her. To show her that we are safe now. That we can create our own safety.
There are no hacks or shortcuts here. The practice of healing involves reconditioning and reeducating the nervous system. Repetition over time.
When I hold space for the fear I also open space for love and light to enter.
This is the practice.
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