Today is National Relaxation Day. This year it falls on a Saturday, so there’s really no excuse not to make time to relax.

I was going to compile a list of ways to help you relax, and then I realized: if you’re anything like me, you might find relaxation difficult. Maybe you even have resistance to it.

What’s Your Relationship to Relaxation?

Check in:

• What has to happen for you to relax?
• Where do you need to be?
• What has to be done or “out of the way” before you can relax?

Ideally, the answer to these questions would be nothing. In theory we could relax on demand, just by deciding to relax.

But typically that’s not the case. I know I’m not always able to relax on demand, and the vast majority of my friends and clients tell me they have a hard time relaxing, even on vacation.

Often, even if we are relaxing our bodies, our minds are still active. In fact, many of the things we do to relax aren’t relaxing at all, especially for our minds, which don’t come with an “off” switch.

Relaxation is hard.

Without the mindset that will help you relax, no activity will be relaxing — if you even make time for it.

3 Reasons Relaxation is Hard — And the Mindset Shifts to Make it Easier

Instead of a list of ways you can relax, I decided to share the top three reasons why relaxation is so hard, and three mindset shifts to help you ease into relaxation. With these mindset shifts you can make any activity relaxing.

(1) Your Work Ethic

Many of us were conditioned to believe that relaxation is a reward for hard work. We don’t give ourselves permission to relax until the work is done.

The problem with this mindset is that the work is never done. To-do lists tend to grow no matter how much you check off. (And for many people, the most important things aren’t even on the list; more on this another time). The moment you start to relax, all those niggly bits that live in the back of your mind come to the front.

Relaxation Mindset Shift:

Permission to Relax

Look at whatever you put between you and relaxation, and put it out of the way. Not by getting it done or “over with” so you can relax, but by putting it on a shelf (metaphorical or literal) until later. Give yourself permission to relax for a set amount of time before you come back to it.

(2) Your Environment

Being surrounded by reminders of things you need to do will make it even more difficult for you to relax.

Several years ago, I noticed that I relaxed with greater ease when I was in other people’s homes, even if their homes were a mess.

I realized the reason for this: it wasn’t my mess.

Even if your home is spotless, when you look around you see reminders of other things you need to do. That prevents your mind from shutting off.

Relaxation Mindset Shift:

Reconsider your environment and adjust it.

If you can leave your physical environment, that’s great. Leave your house and go for a walk in nature or to the beach. Sit on a park bench, or go to cafe.

Also consider that your phone is an environment you control. Even if you’re at home, you can change the environment of your phone by leaving it in another room for a while, turning it off, or adjusting the settings so it doesn’t disturb you.

(3) Your Beliefs

What makes relaxation even harder is our belief about relaxation.

Most damaging to our efforts is that we think it’s supposed to be easy.

How hard can it be to do nothing?

Chances are that you know the answer: very hard.

Most people I know have a hard time doing nothing.

This belief that relaxation should be easy can create a sabotaging cycle when we berate ourselves for our inability to relax.

You know how it goes:

You try to relax, but have trouble dropping in. Then you get frustrated with yourself because you can’t relax. You become agitated. That makes it even harder for you to relax.

When we embark on learning a skill that we expect to be difficult, we know we need to practice regularly and build the “muscle.” And if we don’t treat the skill with that level of respect we won’t master it.

Relaxation Mindset Shift:

Relaxation is a skill that must be developed over time.

If you set out to learn a new language, you would learn words to build your vocabulary, grammar rules to create sentences, and then you would practice by speaking, reading, and listening to the language. The more consistently you practice, the more fluency you’ll have.

Relaxation is language for the mind and body that most of us never learned. Like with any new language or skill, we must practice with consistent and persistent efforts to obtain fluency in this language.

And like any language, it’s harder to learn when you’re older.

That means you must commit to practicing — more than once a year. Rather than a once-a-year time to relax, consider National Relaxation Day to be the start of your Relaxation Practice.

As for how to practice: I’m compiling a list of ways to relax. I’d love to hear from you and feature you in this list. Please share in the comments: What are your favorite ways to relax?