The Secret to Controlling The Timing of Text Messages

The increasing prevalence of mobile technology allows us to send messages whenever we have a spark of an idea and from whereever we are.

But what do you do when you’re the recipient of those messages and sender’s timing isn’t aligned with your timing?

In the early days of my business, I found the constant ping of my phone so distracting that I couldn’t get work done.

Clarity came in a moment when I found myself erupting in frustration and resentment:

Why does everyone keep calling and texting me?

The moment I heard this rant come out of my mouth, I realized how silly I sounded.

These calls and texts were business opportunities, clients, or friends. Of course I wanted to receive them.

I just wanted to connect at the times I found convenient: not too late at night or too early in the morning, or at other times that weren’t “reasonable” times, in my opinion.

In my work with other freelancers, I have often heard the same complaint and frustration.

Communication and connection are important, but so is the silence to sleep or space to do our actual work. What can you do to control the incoming flow of messages?

Resistance = Suffering

Trying to control things that we cannot control is the most certain path I know to a life of suffering. And when it comes to the list of things we cannot control, other people ranks at the top.

I was in resistance — and therefore I was suffering — because I wanted to control when other people could send me messages.

Here’s the thing: It doesn’t work that way.

I had to come to terms with two fundamental truths:

(1) People send messages at the times that are convenient for them.

(2) I cannot control other people.

I may not like the times they choose, and I may think the times they choose to send messages are not reasonable. But it is what it is. I cannot control it. (More on this another time.)

The moment I accepted this, I freed myself from suffering. I stopped being in resistance to the incoming flow of messages.

The Secret: Focus on What You Can Control

When we blame other people or external circumstances we paint ourselves as the victims. You don’t have to be a victim of distractions or other people’s timing. You have the power to control yourself and how you respond or react to the incoming messages.

I may not be able to control when other people send me messages, but I can control the parts of the process that involve my decisions, including:

• whether I allow new messages to disrupt or distract me
• how I react or respond to incoming messages
• when and how I reply to messages

I receive text messages at all times of day and night, but after making this shift, they no longer disturb or distract me.