The Antidote to Doubt and Fear

It has been an intense few weeks. I’ve been struggling with a project I’ve been trying to launch for 3 years, feeling unsupported in all ways across my business and exhausted from working so intently without seeing much progress,

I have been working overtime to keep myself in a positive state so I can provide support to my clients.

When Routines Get Changed

If you’re a regular reader, you may know that my weekly Saturday morning trampoline practice is a sacred space. I look forward to it all week. And it’s part of my Saturday routine. I take my lessons from that and turn them into my weekly broadcast of My Circus Life.

Last night I got an email that trampoline class today was cancelled. Reason unstated.

This is like removing my lifeline when I need it most.

But at least I still had catch class in the afternoon.

I indulged myself in the privilege of sleeping in until the unthinkable hour of 9:15 am. Then the typical morning rituals: fitness first. Meditation. Journaling.

Swimming in Self-Judgment

Clearly my body needed the rest. I’ve been pulling really late nights and pounding my body hard physically, mentally and emotionally for months. Rationally, I know this.

But my inner judge was fierce. Perhaps buttressed by my recent feelings of fatigue and frustration, I heard the voice telling me to do more at the gym.

This was an intentional light workout, with the knowledge that catch class is intense and I would do more before and after class, including a trampoline warmup.

(6 minutes on the trampoline = running 1 mile).

And yet throughout and after my workout I could hear the judgment that I was “slacking off.”

Seriously. It takes a special kind of crazy to tell yourself you’re slacking off while you’re AT THE GYM.

To be clear, even if I didn’t have catch class today, my body clearly could use an “off-day” workout. But that’s my edge: learning how to STOP. Easing off.

At least I can see my inner judge at work. Self-awareness is a good thing. Most of the time.

I processed my self-judgment (more on that tomorrow) as I left for Brooklyn. My whole day felt off.

Catch Class

I arrived at Trapeze School New York early and warmed up on the trampoline. About 10 minutes into catch class I was reminded why I needed to go light today at the gym.

Catch class is HARD. It is abusive to the body in all sorts of ways.

Self-judgment can be abusive to the soul in all sorts of ways.

Do you know what is NOURISHING to the body AND the soul?

PROGRESS.

There is no force in the human experience that does more for self-esteem, self-confidence, emotional and spiritual energy than feeling you have made PROGRESS.

PROGRESS is the antidote to fear, doubt, anger, betrayal, judgment, and any other negative emotion.

Sometimes the best way out is not to go deep into the fears but simply to find a PATH TO PROGRESS.

Catch class kicked my ass today. And I also had major progress. I climbed the rope three times. The same rope that I couldn’t climb at all in February. Just 2 months ago.

After climbing the practice rope three times, I took a huge step to my goal.

I CLIMBED THE ROPE UP TO THE CATCHER’S TRAPEZE.

All the way. And I got up onto the catch trapeze and sat my butt on the tiny bar. And generated a swing.

It was a little scary. Definitely on my edge. Flying high is one thing. Working up a swing that high off the ground is another. But it was exhilarating.

Maybe it was the 7 hours of sleep. Maybe it was the lighter morning workout. Maybe it was an inner force that came to quiet my inner judge. Who cares?

PROGRESS.

You just need a little bit to turn around your day.