A gym friend recently shared that she “can’t meditate.” She said that every time she tries to meditate her mind floods with thoughts: things she needs to do, what to eat for dinner, other issues on her list.
She doesn’t reach the “clear mind” or “zen” that she has heard people describe.
I asked my friend if those thoughts interrupt her while she’s in the middle of a workout, and she said no — because she is focused on her breathing.
The problem my friend had with meditation wasn’t with meditation, but with her expectation of what meditation is about.
Meditation isn’t an end-state. It’s a practice.
One type of meditation practice involves focusing on one anchor — like the breath — and noticing when those thoughts intrude.
The thoughts are a function of the mind. When thoughts arise during meditation, it’s not a failure on your part. It’s the natural way of your mind.
We can think of meditation like a workout that helps us build the muscle of awareness and attention.
If you’re new to working out, you don’t load up a barbell and start banging out heavy squats. You start small and simple.
This is the guidance I gave to my friend and that I give to my clients and students.
(1) Start Small
When you’re just starting, it’s best to keep the practice contained and minimal. Consistency is more important than duration of any session, so make it easy.
Set a timer for one minute. No more.
Sit still and focus on your breath. You can even count your breaths or count the length of your inhales and exhales.
When thoughts arise, just notice them and come back to your breath. At the end of one minute, you’re done.
(2) Make it Easy
My friend said she wanted to light a candle. Other people have an idea of a quiet spot with a meditation cushion.
All nice ideas that get in the way of building consistency.
All you need is yourself. Pick a place where you can find stillness for a minute and do it there. Or, if you like to walk, make it a walking meditation: notice the trees and the air and your breath.
Ideally, stack it with something you already do.
(3) Recognize Success
Remember that thoughts will arise; that’s just the mind being the mind. When they do, bring yourself back to the breath or to your counting.
Success doesn’t mean you have a clear mind; it is measured by committing to the practice and showing up.
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