Developmental regression is the name of a phenomenon that happens when a child loses skills they’ve already acquired. It can involve a loss of motor, language, or social skills.
For example, a child learns to roll over from belly to back, but then can’t do it. Or it pulls itself up to standing regularly, but then suddenly loses this ability.
This sudden regression of skills might be alarming to a new parent; the impulse is to think
Something is wrong with my child.
Rest assured, this is completely normal.
In fact, developmental regression often happens just before a big developmental leap. The child struggles to roll over before learning to crawl; it struggles to pull itself up to standing usually just before it starts to walk.
Regression can also happen when children are adjusting to new situations, like becoming an older sibling or starting preschool, or in response to a traumatic event.
The concept of developmental regression isn’t unique to children. We continue to follow this process as adults, even if we call it by a different name.
I first heard this described as the breakdown before the breakthrough.
It’s the confusion that gives way to clarity.
The disorganization that leads to order.
The metaphor I like to use for this concept is cleaning out your closets.
You start by taking everything out of your closets. You lay all the clothes on your bed and your floor, then you start going through the stuff and sorting it into piles. If someone walks into the space in the middle of this process, it looks like a tornado hit. Everything is everywhere. It’s chaos. Bedlam.
But as you sort through and clear the clutter, eventually you return to a state of zen. By the time you’ve finished, you’ve restored order — even better than the original state of affairs.
Every part of life works like this.
Disruption to what we believe should be the “right” path to progress is uncomfortable.
Life is messier than we’d like to believe.
Confusion, chaos, and regression, are part of the process. They are the path to clarity, order, progress, and growth.
To make progress, you must disrupt yourself.
When I remember this fact, I stop fighting the disruption to my carefully balanced order. I can stop blaming and shaming myself for being “bad” or a “failure.”
I find more peace in the process when I remember: this is how it’s supposed to work.
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