This is part of a series exploring the topics raised by Venus retrograde in Leo.
In 2017, I wrote an article about the lessons I learned when I spent a year off of Facebook. This was before many other people famously left the platform, and my article went viral.
One thing I didn’t share in that piece was the catalyst that sent me off of Facebook. While the year away illuminated many lessons about mindfulness, the driver was completely different: I was sent into hiding.
In 2016, I decided to experiment with selfie videos. I filmed a silly and fun video and posted it to my Facebook personal page.
About ten minutes later, I noticed a missed call from my father. He rarely calls me in the middle of the day — unless something is wrong.
I texted that I couldn’t talk at the moment.
What was the big emergency?
Take down your FB post. Not a flattering selfie.
The Impact of Appearance
Venus retrograde in Leo is an invitation to review the things that keep us from claiming our place in the spotlight.
For me, and for many women, none loom as large as the issue of appearance.
Venus is the planet of beauty and image.
When I look at my own history of hiding and shunning visibility, one of the core issues that repeatedly pops up centers around my appearance, and whether I believe that I look acceptable.
Venus is often depicted as holding up a mirror. During Venus retrograde, it asks us:
Do you like what you see? Do you like the image you’re presenting?
For many women, like me, if the answer to that question is “no,” we hide.
The Staggering Statistics
A 2016 study conducted by Dove Body Wash revealed that 85 percent of women and 79 percent of girls opt out of important life activities when they don’t feel good about how they look.
Take that in for a moment.
85 percent. Opt OUT. Of LIFE. Because of how we feel about our appearance.
In addition, 7 in 10 girls reported that they won’t be assertive in their opinion or stick to their decision if they aren’t happy with how they look.
Think about that this means.
Skipping events. Not engaging with friends and family. Not applying for a job. Not trying out for a team or club. Not reaching out to new acquaintances to pursue opportunities. Not sharing your thought work.
Staying hidden.
Think about the impact of this for a woman in her career, whether she works in a traditional job or runs her own business.
Even in fields where women appear to be given equal opportunities to men, we don’t pursue those opportunities equally to men. We are more likely to hide and hold back when we don’t feel good about our bodies and our appearance.
It’s hard for me to wrap my head around this, but I feel it viscerally in my body. I feel physically sick when I think about how often I have opted out of life when I have felt unhappy with my appearance.
My stomach contracts, my chest tightens, a lump forms in my throat.
How Do Cultural Standards of Beauty Impact Us?
The Dove survey, and their ongoing work, focuses largely on how women and girls are impacted by prevailing cultural standards of beauty.
But it’s not just women who are impacted, and it’s not only the images in the media that impact us.
Even at the time, I could see that my dad was acting from a place of caring and concern; he was reacting to my image from his belief that “unflattering” images could damage my ability to attract business.
Where did he get this belief?
These beliefs are so tightly woven into our cultural experience that it’s hard to disentangle from them.
He views it as a fact of modern life: image matters.
I have male clients who firmly believe that being “attractive” and “fit” are crucial factors for success in business.
Revisiting the Rules
Venus retrogrades are periods where we reevaluate our values, rules and standards — both as individuals and collectively.
We can question the prevailing standards of beauty. We can work on creating new rules for what matters. But even as prevailing standards change and media gets more inclusive in how it portrays beauty, it doesn’t change our inner wiring.
It’s a nice theory to say “it doesn’t matter what people think” or “you look how you look.”
I envy the women who were conditioned to believe that how you look doesn’t matter.
My conditioning was quite the opposite. I was imbued with the belief that appearance is very relevant.
This is a place where I am actively working to rewire my beliefs.
And I also know that the inner work isn’t enough here.
To embody the new belief will require me to be visible as I am, even when I don’t feel great about how I look.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...