I’ve been a real estate agent for over 15 years, in one of the most competitive markets in the world. I’m well-versed with the nuances of staging a home to make it look appealing while concealing its flaws.
I know the photography tricks and the video tricks to present a home in its best light. I’ve mastered the art of writing copy that will leave a buyer dreaming of the home and the promises of living there.
I’ve taught real estate agents how to show a home in a way that will draw attention to its best features while concealing its worst.
This same concept — across all industries — is what I see in my feeds every day. On social media. On other blogs. And in the multitude of online courses offered.
It shows up in real estate, fitness, in business coaching, in productivity, in health, parenting, creator culture, and everywhere else.
Even the best practitioners and the most sincere coaches and experts are guilty of putting glitter on their work, and of what’s possible from it.
As a culture, we love a good “before and after” story. We love to see the photos of the 300-pound person who then steps out from behind a curtain in their “new” body.
We love to see a home renovation or staging get wrapped up in a 30-minute television episode.
We love to hear about the creator who just started publishing some blog posts online and suddenly was making 6 or 7 figure incomes.
The promise of what’s possible on “the other side” has a magnetic quality to it. It captivates us.
It’s also deceptive.
To be sure, it helps to have a guiding light to focus our efforts. But ignoring the messy middle for the allure of the “before and after” is harmful.
3 Ways “Before and After” Stories Harm Us
(1) It Creates Unrealistic Expectations
I’ve been doing daily morning workouts for almost a decade. In my memory, it was a pretty simple shift that I maintained through well-planned rituals. My journals tell a different story — a story I never shared in public.
On the other side, we often forget how hard it was. We often forget how much we struggled.
This is natural. The cognitive phenomenon of recency bias causes our brains to prioritize more recent memories over older memories.
Showing only the before and after sets up unrealistic expectations of what is involved to create the transformation we seek.
I’ve lost count of how many home owners expressed frustration with how long it can take to do the renovation and staging work necessary to prepare their homes for the market, or how long the process of selling a home can take. Their expectations were warped by all those home renovation shows that gloss over the process.
(2) It Creates Conditions for Shame and Burnout
In the coaching industry, false promises can set us up to feel shame when our efforts don’t create the promised results in the span of a 7-week course.
And on the other side, presenting ourselves to the world in metaphorical airbrushed images can create a sense of shame when our real life doesn’t match the image we portray online.
Living in the dichotomy of presenting one thing to the world while living a completely different reality takes its toll on us mentally, emotionally, and physically.
(3) We Miss Out on Life
It’s worth remembering that “the other side” isn’t guaranteed.
Life happens in the now.
When we’re constantly oriented toward the “other side” we lose the essence of life.
When we’re so focused on the promise of the potential, we miss out on the experience of where we are now. And the experience of where we are now is life.
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