How to Bring Your Loved Ones to Their First Tony Robbins Event
A great movie. An amazing restaurant. A travel destination. A fascinating book. A cool store. A personal development seminar. It’s human nature to share our great discoveries with the world.
It is natural that when we experience something that we feel is amazing, we want everyone we know to experience it.
It’s inevitable that not everyone will have the same reaction that we had. And that can be frustrating for us and for them.
In my years serving on the event crew for Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within, I’ve met hundreds of participants, many of whom had returned to the seminar with their friends, family, or colleagues. They were eager for their loved ones to see, feel, and experience the magic that they felt.
This doesn’t apply only to experiences. We may see an outcome that is possible for someone we love, and we want that outcome for them — sometimes more than they want it for themselves.
That dynamic that leads to suffering, for both us and the other person.
If you find yourself in a position where you want another person to have a specific outcome, here are three pieces of advice.
(1) Don’t Judge By Appearance
You don’t always know what someone is getting out of it
I look a lot different at an event these days than I did then. If you saw me at my first UPW, you would have thought that I wasn’t into it at all. I am not a “rah rah” girl. Back then, I wore layers of protective armour that hid my feelings. I kept everything and everyone at a distance with a cynical spin.
Contrary to my appearance, I was hooked on every word that Tony said. I played full-out to the best of my capabilities at the time.
Some people are more external in their enthusiasm, and some are more internal. Although I’m an extravert, I tend to be shy in situations where I don’t know people. I didn’t come with a friend. l also process things at deep levels. It takes me longer to bring new ideas into full focus. I’ve since come to see that this is just how I am.
Some people appear to be really into it and making huge breakthroughs but they aren’t really going deep. Others process more deeply and don’t show much external enthusiasm.
Just because the people you’re with aren’t jumping all over the place doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying it.
Don’t judge by appearances.
(2) Allow Others to Have Their Own Experiences
When you’ve attended an event previously and return with people from your life, it’s natural to want them to have the same experience you had.
I remember when my parents came to UPW. My dad had already attended Business Mastery, so he was already drinking the kool-aid. My mom was more skeptical. She kept wandering out to the lobby, looking for me and checking on me. She is a Jewish mother through-and-through.
I wanted so much for herto have a breakthrough experience, and found myself getting upset that she was missing the great content in the room.
A friend wisely counseled me to allow her to have her own experience.
In the context of a movie, this would mean that if you’ve already seen the movie, don’t spoil the ending for your friend.
In the context of a personal development seminar it might mean separating yourselves so that you sit with different people. When my dad came with me to Business Mastery, we sat separately. It was better for both of us.
Give the people you love the space and freedom to be themselves, without fear that you’re looking over their shoulders.
(3) Release Your Attachment to the Other Person’s Outcome
The weekend my parents came to UPW, my ~~challenge~~ growth opportunity was to release my attachment to the outcomes I wanted for my mom.
This is, perhaps, one of the most difficult challenges we face when it comes to the people we love. It’s natural for us to want for them that which we’ve experienced for ourselves.
It should go without saying that this applies not just in the context of an event, but in all of life. It arises often in the family context: we want things for the people we love: parents, children, siblings, spouses, friends. It also applies with clients.
Desire quickly turns into expectation. Expectation creates resistance. And resistance leads to suffering.
When we attach to the outcomes we want for other people, we invite our own suffering, and we create suffering for the people we love.
You suffer because in not wanting the result, they don’t meet your expectations. You also suffer because in attaching to the outcome you desire for them, you lose sight of your path.
They suffer because they feel crushed by the weight of our desire and expectations.
Also, when we want something for another person more than they want it for themselves, we tend to push them. In a business context, that can feel like a pushy sales tactic. In a personal context, it can feel like suffocation.
Your growth opportunity
Your growth opportunity is to detach from the outcome that you want for others.
Allow them to decide their own outcomes. Give them space to have their own experience. Hold that space with them and support them in their path, but keep enough distance so they feel free to be fully in their experience.
Letting go of the outcomes we desire for our loved ones can be hard, but it if we want to help them thrive, it is necessary — for their sake and ours.