When someone compliments you on your outfit, how do you respond?
Some people say “thank you” and leave it there.
Others respond with information about the thing being complimented. If you compliment something they’re wearing, they might share where they bought it, how much they paid, and whether they got it on sale. They may even offer to send you the link.
Responding to a compliment on something with information about where you got it, how much you paid, and whether you bought it on sale seems like a generous act of sharing information. You’re not hoarding the secret; you’re giving someone else access to what you have.
This is a common way women respond to compliments: we deflect and demure.
Oh, I’ve had this for years.
I got it on sale.
It’s nothing fancy.
Women have been responding this way for generations. I learned this practice from my mother and her contemporaries, who learned it from their mothers, and so on.
We have been conditioned to believe that this is the polite way to respond, lest we inflate our egos or take up too much space.
But this response to a compliment is actually a common symptom of resistance to receive.
If a person compliments your dress and asks where you bought it, by all means: share the info.
But a compliment doesn’t necessarily mean the person wants to buy it, or that they care about the backstory.
A compliment is not a request for information; it’s a gift to be received.
When people compliment us and we respond by sharing info not asked for, we actually devalue the compliment and the person offering it.
We’re often taught that “it’s better to give than receive,” but receiving is its own skill. It’s not just about compliments: learning how to receive compliments without shirking or deflecting them is a skill that helps us receive other things in life:
Money. Praise. Gifts. Promotions. Blessings.
But receiving is not just about what you get from others.
Receiving is in itself an act of generosity to the giver.
When we receive with grace, we honor the person who is giving. Receiving is a way we show that we value what someone else is offering. This makes them feel good about offering it.
Receiving is also a way we can reinforce our worthiness to ourselves. When we stand in the spotlight of a compliment, we acknowledge to ourselves that we are worthy of the praise being offered. That subtle inner messaging rewrites limiting narratives that impact how we perceive our value.
When we receive with grace, we show the person offering that we value them and we reinforce our own inherent worthiness to receive.
This fosters a path to deeper relationships in which both sides feel valued.
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