The 4 Principles of Care

Your body is smarter than your mind.

It may be the most sophisticated system ever designed.

The wiring of the body is rigged so that when the system detects threats, it shuts down movement. Sometimes those threats show up as physical sensation or pain. Other times, they may be emotional. Or, they may not show up at all on the conscious level.

When the nervous system registers a threat that makes it feel unsafe, it goes into a mode called neurological guarding. It can restrict range of motion or shut down movement entirely, to prevent injury. It focuses attention onto the current perceived threat so you can deal with that thing in front of you.

Higher level functions — executive functions, decision-making capacity, visioning and planning for the future — shut down. The system has no need for a future if it can’t get through the present.

Here’s the problem: the part that goes offline is primitive. It reacts equally to a harsh email as a bear in the woods, unable to differentiate between the threat levels of the two situations.

Of course, even when those parts are shut down, there are still other parts of us that are “online.” Those parts want to squat deeper, go for a run, and be “productive” in all the ways.

So this situation often results in a dynamic where the part of you that is online is fighting the part that has shut down. You might be frustrated, resistant to what is happening.

Here’s the most frustrating part: Once the system shuts down those primitive parts, you can’t override it. You have to wait for them to come back online. There’s not much you can do about it.

But there is one thing you can do. You can CARE.

That sounds so vague. Many of us don’t have a clear sense of what it means to CARE, what it looks like in practice.

Many years ago, I turned CARE into an acronym, identifying 4 core principles. These 4 principles are a guideline for how you express CARE for yourself or others.

The 4 Principles of CARE

(1) Compassion

Compassion means “to suffer with.” If you’re interacting with another person, you put yourself in their shoes. If you’re working with yourself, you find self-compassion.

(2) Acceptance (or Allowance)

Acceptance is the first step of any change. In order for the situation to change, you must show it you accept it as it is. This includes your body’s shut down. Allow it to be as it is without trying to change it.

(3) Respect

Every person and every situation has something to teach us. By respecting that teacher, we can see a bigger picture.

(4) Empathy

Empathy feel into what what someone else is feeling. We imagine we might be in their shoes. If you’re working with yourself, this might be empathy for your inner child, or a part of you that is still wounded.

Remembering the principles of CARE can keep the inner critic at bay. You’re doing the best you can.