A new student came to one of my yin yoga classes. Almost as soon as the I turned down the lights, I noticed that she started sniffling.
At first I thought it was just a case of congestion, but at one point I noticed her wipe away tears.
Periodically throughout the class, I went over to check on her — as I do with all students in my class. I reminded her to breathe, counting the breath for her, helping her find more ease in the long held pose.
I allowed her to be in her experience.
Here’s what I did not do:
- Ask her why she was crying.
- Ask if she was “ok.”
- Draw attention to her crying.
After class, she approached me to thank me for class and to tell me she was “sorry” for crying during class.
I told her that she didn’t need to apologize for crying, and assured her she wasn’t the first to cry in a yin yoga class. I shared with her that I’ve cried through many yin yoga classes in my time.
Then I told her that I take it as the highest form of compliment that she felt safe enough to cry in my class. That was the truth.
The Art of Holding Space
I do everything I can to cultivate a space where students feel safe to be in the entirety of their experience.
While I don’t like to see anyone upset, it gives me a profound feeling of satisfaction when I see someone who feels safe enough to cry.
That’s how I know I created a safe space for my students.
She appreciated that I told her this, that I normalized her experience. It helped her feel less alone, less “weird” for crying through a yoga class.
And then she started to cry even more. By normalizing it for her, I had helped her unlock some subconscious barrier to allowing herself to cry.
I stood with her. I offered her a hug, which she accepted. And I held space for her to experience her emotions.
I never once asked her why she was crying. She eventually told me, but it was beside the point.
What mattered was that I was there to create and hold space for her; that I allowed her to feel what she was feeling without judgment, without shaming, without forcing her to hurry it along or “get her act together.”
Staying Tough is Rigid, Not Resilient
We have been deeply conditioned to believe that “staying tough” and shutting down emotions is the key to resilience and growth. But it’s actually the opposite.
Suppressing emotions keeps us blocked. It makes us stiff and rigid. It depletes resourcefulness and resilience. It also blocks formation of trust in relationships.
Movement requires energy. That’s not spiritual woo; that’s basic physics.
When the energy is suppressed, there is no movement.
The best way to help others heal, foster resilience, and move forward in life is to give them a safe space and permission to feel what they are feeling, without shaming, judgment or criticism.
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