I read an article in The NY Times about the benefits of “hanging out” with people without actually doing anything.
In case you need a refresher, here’s a definition offered by Jancee Dunn in her Times article:
Hanging out: It’s a loose social dynamic in which people spend unstructured time together with no set agenda.
Examples she offers in her article include:
Sitting together on the couch, having a cup of tea in a friends kitchen while they folded laundry, going with a friend to fill their car with gas or going grocery shopping.
Mundane life things that we often do alone.
Dunn was prompted to give “hanging out” a try after reading Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time (affiliate link) by Sheila Liming, in which Liming argues that unstructured time with others can improve our relationships.
As described in a separate interview with Liming:
The book conceives of hanging out as a way to reclaim time as something other than a raw ingredient to be converted into productivity.
In that interview, Liming shared what caused her to investigate this topic and write the book:
I thought about how difficult it is to seize unstructured social time as an adult. We live in a hyperscheduled Google Calendar world, where we make appointments with each other to get any face time. So there’s a sense that if you hang out with someone, you’re stealing time away from their calendar. It adds pressure to perform, to make it good. But I think that that’s a really damaging way to go about seeing our interactions. That’s why so much of the book argues in favor of unstructured time with people: There’s a great freedom that comes from low expectations.
According to Jessica Ayers, an assistant professor of psychological science at Boise State University, who researches adult friendships,
Often, we don’t think something is beneficial unless it’s productive. We don’t always realize that sitting around and resting with someone is still a productive state, and worthy of our time.
Aiming Beyond Traditional Productivity Metrics
Reinforcing the notion that “hanging out” and doing nothing with friends can boost “productivity” reminds us that there is value to time spent outside of “getting things done.”
The fact that we need this reminder is a telling sign of the extent to which the culture of “getting things done” has overtaken these basic human interactions as a measure of worth and well-being.
The fact that we need a reminder of the value of nurturing friendships and doing nothing is a telling sign of the extent to which the culture of “getting things done” has overtaken basic human interactions as a measure of worth and well-being.
The inherent value in nurturing connections is precisely what should drive our decisions of how to spend time. We should hang out with friends because it enhances our relationships and gives us a deeper sense of meaning and purpose, not because it might spark new ideas or help us “produce more” later.
Having unstructured time to hang out, play or relax, nurture relationships, putter around, and do nothing are worthy outcomes in their own right, not just because of what they can facilitate.
Having unstructured time to hang out, play or relax, nurture relationships, putter around, and do nothing are worthy outcomes in their own right, not just because of what they can facilitate.
And, yet, so often we don’t dedicate time for these nurturing activities because we become trapped by the cultural pressure to account for how we spend the hours of our days.
Time spent without a quantifiable result is often derided as “wasted time” or “unproductive.”
But what does “productivity” really mean?
What is Productivity?
Articles that reinforce the value and importance of doing nothing, socializing, or simply “being,” remind me that the language we use to describe “productivity” is wholly inadequate.
Productivity by its literal meaning refers to what we produce. Its measurement in terms of quantifiable units is a relic from the start of the industrial era.
If you’re working on an assembly line in a factory, increasing the number of units you can produce an hour is a worthy goal — in that setting.
The values of our lives, of course, is far greater than tangible products we produce, the things we “get done,” the number of deals we close, or any other metric.
The value of our lives is far greater than tangible products we produce, the things we “get done,” the number of deals we close, or any other metric.
Plenty of people in create lasting legacies by the value of their presence and the impact they make on individuals.
Are “Productivity” Metrics Relevant to What Matters Most?
In our modern world, especially for people who implement creative ideas, turn thoughts into value, or work in service — which is virtually anyone who shows up for other people, whether in a professional role or otherwise — what matters most is how we show up.
In this construct, “productivity” metrics just don’t measure up.
How we show up for others and how we create value are outcomes with a lot of inputs. They are a confluence of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Our greatest value is in how we show up for others. It’s a confluence of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
The intangible jobs of holding space and creating are both products of and produce feelings of motivation, meaning, and purpose. They require skills like awareness, presence, listening, empathy and emotional regulation — skills often referred to as “soft” skills.
For those of us whose work in the world entails showing up for others, creating, or holding space, we need a metric that goes beyond “what we produced.”
How Do We Measure What Truly Matters?
Before we even get there, perhaps we should question the concept of “measuring” in the first place.
Outside a context where we are producing tangible items on an assembly line, what does “productivity” even mean?
What’s the measure of a quality interaction, a quality life, or a quality day?
What is truly most important — and can it be measured at all?
What’s the measure of a quality interaction, a quality life, or a quality day?
What is truly most important — and can it be measured at all?
In the creative context, for example, is it more productive to write and publish several books that hardly make an impact, or one book that changes people’s lives?
If we accept that our greatest value is in how we show up for ourselves and others, how do we quantify that as a measurement of “productivity”?
And why would we want to?
A Case Study: What’s the Value of An Hour?
The cultural pressure to measure the product of our hours and days overlooks the profound impact of moments that defy quantification.
The cultural pressure to measure the “product” of our hours and days overlooks the profound impact of moments that defy quantification.
I recently spent an hour sitting with a friend whose father had just passed. It was an unplanned and unscheduled hour in my day. I sat with her and listened as she shared the events of the preceding days and her emotions around the loss. I reflected back to her. I offer her some guidance in writing her eulogy.
Mostly, I just sat with her. She didn’t know what she needed; she wouldn’t have even asked for the companionship.
I offered her my presence. I held the space for her to be in her experience.
The next day, she told me that this hour was helpful to her beyond what she could have imagined. She wouldn’t have known to ask for it.
Because I held that space for her, she was able to show up better for her family, be more present at the funeral, feel good about the eulogy she delivered, and give herself the space to grieve.
The ripple effects of that hour will continue to impact her and people she interacts with.
That hour profoundly affected me, too. I walked away feeling grateful for the opportunity to hold space for her in an hour of need.
I felt a sense of purpose and meaning that worked its way into everything else I did for the next few days.
Traditional productivity metrics offer no way to measure the value of this time. Yet the “return” on the hour-long investment each of us made is undeniable, even if it is also unquantifiable.
The “return” on an hour-long investment we make in nurturing relationships is undeniable, even if it is also unquantifiable.
I invite you to reflect on moments from your own life where you recognized a “return on investment” of time spent in human connection, even if neither the “investment” nor the “return” was quantifiable in a traditional sense.
Introducing a New Paradigm: Holistic Productivity
Language is one of the primary drivers of meaning.
“Productivity,” with its industrial-era connotations and focus on metrics, doesn’t fit in most contexts anymore.
Any word that connotes a metric for “getting things done” is too limited in scope for assessing a life well-lived.
Any word that connotes a metric for “getting things done” is too limited in scope for assessing a life well-lived.
In a culture where human interaction is so integral to our well-being, we need to shift to a new paradigm of assessing life that isn’t tied to metrics or quantifiable results.
The hour I shared with my friend, though immeasurable by conventional standards, underscores the limits of traditional productivity metrics and reinforces the need for what I call “holistic productivity.”
Ultimately, the measure of our lives is in how we show up: the energy we bring to our interactions, our presence, our overall life wellness.
Things we do for our mental, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, cognitive, and overall well-being are vitally important for a life well-lived, whether or not they help us “produce” more or “reclaim time.”
Things we do for our mental, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, cognitive, and overall well-being are vitally important for a life well-lived, whether or not they help us “produce” more or “reclaim time.”
A framework of “holistic productivity” may include tangible, measurable elements, when they are relevant.
Yet it also includes what can’t be measured: health, well-being, relationships, meaning, purpose, alignment with values, presence, emotional regulation, and nurturing the qualities that fuel an engaged and empathetic society.
A paradigm of holistic productivity includes what can’t be measured: health, well-being, relationships, meaning, purpose, alignment with values, presence, emotional regulation, and nurturing the qualities that fuel an engaged and empathetic society.
Anything else just doesn’t measure up.
Do you want to create a life that goes beyond the metrics of “getting things done?” I help high achievers who are ready to trade-in traditional hustle-culture for a life of greater purpose, meaning, and fulfillment.
Get in touch to learn more.
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