This is part of a series exploring the issues that come up for review during Venus retrograde in Leo. In this part of the series we’re looking at what keeps us from claiming our place in the spotlight and being visible in our work.
The planet Venus represents beauty, among other things. She is often described as holding up the mirror. While retrograde in Leo, this mirror invites us whether we like what we see and to examine the way issues around image and appearance can keep us in hiding.
Every time I think about this, my nervous system goes into a freeze state. I know intimately the way that hang-ups about personal appearance can impact how we show up — or whether we show up at all.
We cannot heal what we don’t name. So as a first step, I am naming the issues that arise for me.
To be clear, each of these can be the subject of deeper exploration. Also, image and appearance can go beyond body image and physical appearance.
In this essay I’m focused specifically on the top three issues related to physical appearance.
My purpose here is simply to name them, and to offer you a space to reflect on whether (or how) these issues arise for you, too.
3 Aspects of Image That Keep Me in Hiding
(1) Hair Issues
What’s my hair like today, and is this the right look for the content I want to share?
Are my grey hairs showing? How will people view me if I haven’t sufficiently touched up my roots? Will I appear unkempt and a mess?
Is this the image that reflects a luxury real estate broker and high-end coach who helps clients create time and space for taking care of their life?
I recently heard a male trainer in my gym say that he was going to dye some of his hair grey because people viewed him as having more experience when he presented with some grey hairs.
I have never heard this from a woman. Our grey hair is viewed by culture as a sign of “old age” and irrelevancy. It’s not “youthful.”
In addition, what is the state of my hair on this day?
Is it in a ponytail? A bun? Braids? Let loose and free? In my face? Is it a baseball hat kind of day?
Hair is so tied into identity. How we wear our hair sends a message about who we are. People judge our competency by our hair. Is mine sending the message that will tell my viewers I am competent?
What’s the hairstyle that is best for a video about real estate as opposed to a video where I’m talking about yoga or giving productivity advice?
(2) Clothing Issues
I spent the first part of my career as a corporate lawyer, wearing suits and heels and sitting behind a desk. It was physically uncomfortable, terrible for my posture, and not the way I work best.
I do my best work and thinking when I can move with ease and I’m comfortable in my clothes. There’s something about being able to move without physical constraints that helps my ideas flow freely.
And yet I’m aware of how our clothing choices send a message about the roles we play in life, and the implicit, unconscious judgements we make about people based on what they’re wearing.
We learn this early in life, as children playing “dress-up.” Ask a child what a princess looks like and they will likely have an image of a girl with long flowing hair, a big dress and a tiara. Ask a child what a baseball player looks like and they’ll describe a uniform.
As adults, we still communicate via our wardrobe choices.
When I write an essay, nobody knows what I’m wearing. My ideas get judged on the merits of my ability to express them well.
Obviously, the nature of what I share doesn’t have anything to do with the clothes I am wearing. The ideas come from inside me, not from my clothing.
But whether we like it or not, clothing can acts as a filter that prevents the message from coming through.
I have negotiated multi-million dollar deals sitting in a lounge chair on the beach. But if I filmed a video with negotiation tips from the same lounge chair, would I be taken seriously?
Each time I go to film a video, I’m wondering whether I’m wearing the right clothes.
(3) Physical Appearance and Mobility
On the surface, it might seem that I should have nothing to be concerned about here. I have been blessed with good genes. I’m tall and thin. I’ve never really struggled with my weight. I’m aware that when it comes to appearance I come from a place of “privilege.”
And yet I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have her trouble spots.
These places become more relevant for me when it comes to sharing my yoga practice or other physical practices.
My mobility issues means my body doesn’t make beautiful, “Instagram-worthy” poses. Nobody is putting my downward dog on the cover of Yoga Journal.
My nervous system struggles with coordination. I often have bruises from stumbling into things.
Part of me feels that it’s important to share this with the world. I want to show other people who struggle with movement and coordination what is possible with diligent practice.
And yet, even still, another part of me worries that if people saw how I moved they would wonder if there’s any benefit to engaging in the practice. They might doubt my ability to help them move.
It’s Not Rational, but It’s Real
If you read this and come away thinking that none of these concerns are rational, you’d be correct.
I don’t believe most men I see online are thinking about their clothes or their hair or how their bodies look.
But I know that many women are thinking about this. It’s an extra layer of energy that we must contend with to put ourselves online in a visible way.
Please Share: What’s Your Experience?
Do you struggle with any of these issues or others related to appearance? I’d love to hear from you. Please share in the comments or connect on social media or through the contact me page on the blog.
Love it? Hate it? What do you think? Don't hold back...