The Roots of Comedy

When I first began to study stand-up comedy, I realized that it was a secret portal for deeper personal exploration. The best comedy comes from a dark place within the comedian; a place of truth and fear.

Through comedy we can look in our darkness and alchemize it to something light, creating connection with our audience.

The best comedy — and creative work in general — sheds light on the human experience, and helps us feel that we’re not alone.

Anxiety is a topic rarely discussed in mainstream culture without the stigma of “mental health awareness” attached.

It’s also rarely discussed by men, especially two of the most successful men in comedy, on one of the most popular late night shows.

Celebrities go on late night shows to promote their projects, not to excavate their souls.

But there’s a need for these conversations. We have a growing need for candor around emotions. We need to move frank discussions of the human condition to the mainstream. Men especially need this. There are few models of men speaking in healthy ways about emotional challenges.

Stephen Colbert’s interview of John Mulaney this week answers this call.

The Colbert/Mulaney Interview You Must Watch

The other night John Mulaney visited The Late Show to promote his new Netflix special. As celebrities do.

But this particular conversation took a turn into something else.

Colbert seized an opportunity to go deep, opening a portal into the very real human condition and the commonality of our experience.

It began in earnest with a question not usually heard on late night talk shows:

Is your anxiety why you don’t want anyone to know you?

What ensued was a frank discussion about anxiety, how we protect ourselves from being seen, and our longing for connection and desire to be liked.

Just your typical late night talk show fluff. [/sarcasm]

In all seriousness, this is one of the best interviews I’ve seen. Anywhere. Ever.
While incredibly deep and filled with wisdom, it also creates a few laughs. This is Mulaney and Colbert, after all.

Partial Transcript

I’ve transcribed the key parts of the exchange below.

It all began after John candidly acknowledged his anxiety.

SC: Do you have a lot of anxiety?

JM: I do have a lot of anxiety.

SC: And that’s why you don’t want anyone to actually ever truly know you.

JM: Oohhhh. Uh.. that’s a really good question. Is it ok if I take time…?

While he sips his water, Colbert reminds the audiece that we’re waiting for John to answer the question:

Is your anxiety why you don’t want anyone to know you?

JM: From an early age I tried the be funny for the adults. I think I thought and feel still that I have to provide that for people to like me. So then the idea of “would they like me for just me” … is a real thought, or concern.

SC: Follow up question …at the crux of your answer is the need to be liked. Do you think you will ever get to a stage where you can be yourself because you don’t care whether they like you or not?

JM: I don’t mean to turn it on you, but how do you feel about that? Where are you at in your process,or do you have a process in terms of being very funny, in the public eye, and coming home and facing Stephen in the mirror? Those 4 am moments, you know?

SC: I have gotten to a place where I don’t want a lot from the audience. Other than to make them laugh. And to make a connection that my internal anxieties, as I express them externally to the joke, when it makes them laugh I have the sense of camaraderie and community that I’m not crazy to feel this way, because they wouldn’t laugh unless they recognized it in somebody else.

There are a lot of people out there who I know don’t like me. Because of the sometimes divisive nature of the jokes I make.

JM: That feels personal?

SC: No. What feels personal is the connection I make with the people who do appreciate the jokes. And beyond that, I’m just doing my job, and I wish no one harm. And if some people don’t like what I do, I don’t like that, but it’s not my problem.

This is wisdom. What I love is that Mulaney can see it and appreciate it, and also admit to himself (and us) that he’s not there yet.

JM: Wow. That’s really great. [Long pause while he considers this]. That sounds like a really great state to be in.

JM: I’m coming out of a phase where I realize that nobody else can be your mirror, because you just have to not go off what other people think of you to be who you are.

More wisdom. And notice that he’s not yet in a place where he doesn’t care if people like him.

3 Lessons from The Interview

This interview is a great reminder of three things:

• the need to be liked is a universal human need.
• coming home to yourself and being who you are is a long process.
• whatever you’re feeling or going through, you’re not alone.

Watch the full interview for more wisdom and a few good laughs.