3 Types of Comparisons to Avoid

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When I was growing up, I loved to play, but I struggled with coordination and athleticism. I got used to being among the last picked for teams in school and camp.

I’m probably the last person anyone would have expected to be so dedicated to fitness and to actually enjoy things like CrossFit.

In my CrossFit gym, I’m not the fastest or the strongest. Unless it’s a deadlift day, I’m often toward the bottom of leaderboard.

Sometimes it gets to me. I show up daily, I work hard on my techniques and my strength. And for every gain I make, it seems others make bigger gains.

Sometimes I feel like the little kid who trails their bigger siblings wanting to do what the older kids can do. I wonder if I’ll ever be strong enough for more than 3 pull-ups, let alone bar muscle ups.

When they say comparison is the thief of joy, that’s what they’re talking about.

But here’s the thing about comparison: it’s also a natural part of life.

It’s human nature to compare. Comparison is how we learn “this is not like that.” It’s how we differentiate an apple from an orange or a barbell clean from a snatch.

One way we know how we stack up with our skills is to look at others. If I didn’t see my gym friends working on bar muscle-ups, I wouldn’t have that in my sight for an eventual goal.

Whether you’re comparing yourself against others on the leader board or on social media, or in your local community, comparison can be helpful as a way to orient ourselves — if we do it consciously and correctly.

As with most things in life that can cause damage, it’s not the thing itself (comparison), but how you’re doing it that steals your joy.

3 Types of Comparisons to Avoid

Here are three things to avoid when making comparisons:

(1) Don’t Compare Your Lowlights to Someone Else’s Highlights

You’ve likely heard the advice not to compare your lowlights to someone else’s highlights.

When you scroll social media, you’re seeing people’s highlight reels. Most people don’t show their struggle — and even if they do, it’s usually the steps along the way, rather than the failures.

You don’t know what obstacles they overcame or how much effort they put in.

(2) Don’t Compare Based Only on What You See

What you see is true, but what you don’t see is also true.

Some people appear to succeed with ease. It’s easy to get caught up in what you see on the surface and compare that with your struggles. That’s a recipe for demoralization.

It may be true that their success came easily. But you might not see the other things that they have to deal with behind the scenes.

Before you think “I wish I had their life,” consider that you don’t know what their whole life looks like. You’re comparing only one visible slice.

That person who looks like they have the trappings of success might be in a miserable marriage, or be caring for an ill parent, or have other hardships outside of their success.

(3) Don’t Compare Your Effort to Someone Else’s Results

Everyone has gifts and talents, and things that come easily to them. Some people do the right thing at the right time. Many people put in effort but also benefit from the luck of timing or connections.

If you’re comparing your effort and struggles to someone else’s results, you’re not comparing on even footing.