What is the Shadow and Why is It Harmful?

What is the Shadow?

The “Shadow” is a concept coined by psychiatrist Carl Jung to refer to those aspects of the personality that we have rejected or repressed.

Our desire to please others, to belong to the tribe, to be accepted by society, causes us to reject or repress the parts of ourselves that we believe to be “negative,” “bad,” “wrong,” or “unacceptable.”

These repressed and rejected parts form what Jung termed the “shadow self.” The Shadow exists in our unconscious. Shadow can include values, behaviors, emotions, longings and desires, aspects of our personality, thoughts, and even beliefs.

For the primitive brain, rejection is equivalent to death.

To protect ourselves, we distance ourselves psychologically from the behaviors, emotions, thoughts, and even beliefs that we believe will cause people to reject us.

The Shadow can include fears, anger, jealousy. Secret longings and desires you’re hesitant to share with the world. Behaviors. Emotional drives you keep buried. Sexual fantasies. Urges you believe to be immoral. Shameful experiences.

The Shadow isn’t always “dark” though. Shadow can also include our “best” qualities: our brilliance, our generosity, our courage.

Any part of ourselves that we have repressed in order to fit in is part of our shadow.

How Shadow Forms

Often, the Shadow aspects form early in life. An experience in which we were punished or scolded for a certain behavior might cause us to put that part of ourselves into shadow.

But we don’t necessarily need a personal experience to create shadow. We can put things into shadow based on what we see, hear, and take in from the world around us.

For example, we might see other people get punished or rejected based on certain behaviors. Based on what we see around us we make a contract with ourselves to never be in that position.

Often these experiences happen when we are very young. But we continue to form shadows even as adults. Shadow work — the work of integrating our shadows and bringing them into the light — is an ongoing piece of inner work.

Here’s an example:

Let’s say you had a parent who erupted into unpredictable rages and fits of anger. You never knew when the parent would go off or what would set them off.

As a related point, it’s important to note that this unpredictability creates a trauma for a child. Trauma and shadow are often related.

Aside from the trauma of experiencing this volatility, a young child might form a belief that anger is threatening and scary. To add to that, they see how this anger is addressed in society. They see that people who don’t erupt in anger get treated better.

The child concludes that “anger” is a “bad” or “negative” emotion. They make a secret, subconscious promise to themselves to never be angry.

Of course, this is a promise that cannot be kept.

Anger is a normal, natural, and necessary emotion. When experienced in healthy ways, anger can be useful and healthy. It teaches us where we need stronger boundaries; it tells us where we have been violated and where we care.

Why Suppressing Parts of Ourselves is Harmful

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. — Carl Jung

The parts of ourselves that we suppress or reject don’t go away. They simply show up in other ways, often in moments that sabotage our goals and relationships.

The Shadow self arises in ways that feel uncontrollable to us. The very thing we think we’re controlling or putting into a corner is the thing that’s controlling our life.

Going back to our example of anger, the problem with anger is not the emotion itself but when its suppressed and not processed in healthy ways. That’s the anger that can turn into blinding rage and volatile outbursts. That’s the type of anger that can threaten relationships and sabotage our efforts. That’s the anger that might turn us against ourselves.

When we don’t recognize our shadow, we cannot address the ways in which it might turn into a problem.

How Shadow Forms

How to Identify Your Shadow

If you spot it, you’ve got it.