Imagine you’re standing with a friend and looking at a sculpture. You’re standing on one side of it and your friend is standing on the other side. You describe to your friend what you’re seeing, but your friend insists that you’re wrong. They describe what they’re seeing and you can’t fathom how they can possibly see it that way.
As long as you continue standing across from your friend, on opposite sides of the sculpture, rooted in your positions, you’ll remain at an impasse.
No amount of facts and data will help them see things from your perspective. They can’t see it because they’re on the other side of the thing.
To persuade your friend, you need to align with them first. That requires leaving your position and going over to stand next to them. Look at the sculpture from their perspective. Even when you know that what they’re seeing isn’t the full story, you can acknowledge what they see.
This is empathy.
Standing next to them instead of standing across from them helps you align with them. By acknowledging their perspective and displaying empathy, you shift from an adversary to an ally.
You’re now looking at the same thing from the same perspective.
Then you can encourage them to walk with you around the sculpture to the other side, where you were standing before. Now you can show them what you were looking at from your perspective.
Even if they still prefer to see things from their original viewpoint, they won’t be able to unsee the other side of the sculpture.
The Courage to Leave Your Position
Persuasion isn’t merely a function of dumping more facts on people. It is also a function of empathy and acknowledgment.
Most important, it requires the courage to give up your position — at least temporarily — and be willing to look at an issue from another perspective.
When you change your perspective, you change what you see, and everything changes.
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